SPIKE: Love's Bitch

I'm actually a Bangel: always been one, always will be one. But unlike a lot of Buffy viewers today, I started watching the show early on, when Buffy and Angel were a hot item. I watched it when week after week, he loved her, and then tormented her as Angelus. I watched her put a sword through him, and then waited through one agonizingly long summer to see what would happen to her. And then he came back, and they loved each other all over again. And then he took off again... to his own series.

Most of my friends are Spuffies. They loved seeing Buffy and Spike together. But I saw the relationship as destructive, where he might have loved her, but she never loved him the way she loved Angel. Being with him was her own form of self-punishment, not love. And many of the Spuffies I know started watching the show much later, so Buffy and Angel went by in a flash, and the rest was all Spike. Trust me, if you watched it unfold very slowly over 3 years, the Buffy/Angel relationship was pretty cool.

HOWEVER, if I had to choose between Angel and Spike? Easy... Spike. Spike was one of the best characters of the Buffyverse, if not THE best. He was hilarious, he was evil, he was sweet, he was cruel, and at his heart, he loved. Angel had a soul, yet somehow Spike fell in love with Buffy WITHOUT a soul. Maybe deep down I don't want to see Buffy and Spike together because I want to keep him for myself. ;)

I thought of running a list of my favourite (and weepiest) quotations in the Buffy/Angel relationship, but in the end, there are just far too many awesome Spike quotes, and so today will be a special all-Spike installment of my Buffy week quotage. Enjoy!

VAMPIRE: Yes. This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it’ll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.
SPIKE: (appears behind them) You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
VAMPIRE: I oughta rip your throat out.
SPIKE: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin’ my hand move.

JOYCE: Buffy?! Where have you been? Are you okay? The police were here! I’ve been looking for you!
BUFFY: Mom, let’s, let’s go inside, and I can explain.
JOYCE: (hysterical) Who is this man? (to Spike) Who are you? (to Buffy) Are you okay?
BUFFY: Mom! I’m-I’m okay.
JOYCE: Buffy, terrible things have happened. What were you doing?
SPIKE: What, your mum doesn’t know?
JOYCE: (to Spike) Know what?
BUFFY: That I’m, uh... in a band. A rock band with Spike here.
SPIKE: Right. She plays the, the triangle.
BUFFY: Drums.
SPIKE: Drums, yeah. She’s, uh, hell on the old skins, you know.
JOYCE: (unconvinced) Hmm. And, uh, what do you do?
SPIKE: Well… I sing.

After Spike gets his beloved Dru back, he returns to Sunnydale a year later, broken up over the fact that Dru left him for a Slime Demon:
SPIKE: (yells) What do you know? It’s your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me. (sobs) I’m nothing without her.
BUFFY: That I’ll have to agree with. You’re pathetic, you know that? You’re not even a loser anymore, you’re a shell of a loser.
SPIKE: Yeah. You’re one to talk.
BUFFY: Meaning?
SPIKE: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you’re back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
BUFFY: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah. You’re just friends.
ANGEL: That’s right.
SPIKE: You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love till it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. (points at his temple) Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood... (clasps his chest) blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.

SPIKE: Harm, what are you doing?
HARMONY: I’m writing 'Spike loves Harmony' on your back.
SPIKE: Why?
HARMONY: I don’t know, it’s fun. I’m bored. You can write on me.
SPIKE: I’ve got to get back to work.
HARMONY: You love that tunnel more than me.
SPIKE: I love syphilis more than you.

Spike attempts to attack Willow, but realizes the Initiative have done something to make him unable to bite people:
SPIKE: I don’t understand. This sort of thing’s never happened to me before.
WILLOW: Maybe you were nervous.
SPIKE: I felt all right when I started. Let’s try again. Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it!
WILLOW: Maybe you’re trying too hard. Doesn’t this happen to every vampire?
SPIKE: Not to me, it doesn’t!
WILLOW: It’s me, isn’t it?
SPIKE: What are you talking about?
WILLOW: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn’t want to bite me. I just happened to be around.
SPIKE: Piffle!
WILLOW: I know I’m not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It’s always like, “ooh, you’re like a sister to me,” or, “oh, you’re such a good friend.”
SPIKE: Don’t be ridiculous. I’d bite you in a heartbeat.
WILLOW: Really?
SPIKE: Thought about it.
WILLOW: When?
SPIKE: Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?
WILLOW: I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.
SPIKE: Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and “rrrr!” Takes the mystery out.
WILLOW: But if you could...
SPIKE: If I could, yeah.
WILLOW: You know, this doesn’t make you any less terrifying.
SPIKE: Don’t patronize me.

During Thanksgiving celebrations, Spike is tied to a chair, and Willow is guilty they're celebrating the slaughter of Native Americans:
BUFFY: Will, you know how bad I feel about this. It’s eating me up-- (To Anya.) 1/4 Cup of brandy and let it simmer-- (To Willow.) But even though it’s hard, we have to end this. Yes, he’s been wronged, And I personally would be ready to apologize--
SPIKE: Oh, someone put a stake in me.
XANDER: You got a lot of volunteers in here.
SPIKE: I just can’t take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
BUFFY: Uh, the preferred term--
SPIKE: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That’s what conquering nations do. It’s what Caesar did, and he’s not going around saying, “I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.” The history of the world isn’t people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

SPIKE: We’re out of Weetabix.
GILES: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all - again.
SPIKE: Get some more.
GILES: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
SPIKE: Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood - give it a little texture.
GILES: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.
SPIKE: Sissy.

BUFFY: Spike.
SPIKE: Hi, Buffy.
BUFFY: Don’t take this the wrong way but... She socks him in the nose.
SPIKE: Ow!
BUFFY: What are you doing here? Five words or less.
[Spike counts the words on his fingers.]
SPIKE: Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
BUFFY: Out for a walk at night by my house. No one has time for this, William.
SPIKE: On your merry way, then. You know, contrary to one’s self-involved world-view, your house happens to be directly between parts... and other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I’m outgrowing my whole “burst into flame” phase.
BUFFY: Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won’t kill me? Wooo... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I’m just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and... and you have stupid hair.

BUFFY: The weapons are in the chest by the TV. I’ll grab the stuff upstairs --
SPIKE: Uh, Buffy ...(he can’t enter) If you wanna just hand them over the threshold --
BUFFY: Come in, Spike. (moved, he steps gingerly in)
SPIKE: Hmm. Presto. No barrier... (back to business) Um, won’t bother with the small stuff. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory’s mates while you take on the lady herself.
BUFFY: We’re not all gonna make it. You know that.
SPIKE: Yeah. Hey, I always knew I’d go down fighting.
BUFFY: I’m counting on you. To protect her.
SPIKE: ‘Til the end of the world -- even if that happens to be tonight.
BUFFY: I’ll be a minute.
SPIKE: I know you’ll never love me. I know that I’m a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that’s... Get your stuff. I’ll be here.

SPIKE: Buffy. You should be careful. Never know what kind of villain’s got a knife at your back.
BUFFY: Your hand is hurt.
SPIKE: Hmm. Same with you.
BUFFY: Right.
SPIKE: Willow’s getting pretty strong, isn’t she? Bringing you back. It’s hard to get a good night’s death around here. (no response) You can sit down. Got furniture. (she sits) You should see the downstairs, too, it’s quite posh. (goes to sit across from her) Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. (pause) If I had done that ... even if I didn’t make it ... you wouldn’t have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I’d see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... (softly) Every night I save you.

BUFFY: You got your soul back. How?
SPIKE: It’s what you wanted, right? (looking at the ceiling) It’s what you wanted, right? And—and now everybody’s in here, talking. Everything I did...everyone I— and him... and it... the other, the thing beneath—beneath you. It’s here too. Everybody. They all just tell me go... go... to hell.
BUFFY: Why? Why would you do that—
SPIKE: Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn’t? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev— (chokes up) to be a kind of man. (approaching the alter & a giant cross) She shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved. So everything’s OK, right? (rests on the cross, his flesh starts to smoke) Can—can we rest now? Buffy...can we rest?

SPIKE: Heard you got a date.
BUFFY: Well, it’s unclear. I mean, I have this whole theory about a promotion. Or he’s evil.
SPIKE: Buffy, I’m all right.
BUFFY: You don’t have to—
SPIKE: What? Be noble? I’m not. Really, I’m all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.
BUFFY: Good. I’m glad. Thank you.
SPIKE: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.

ANDREW: You sure you don’t wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something, you know, road trip food?
SPIKE: It’s not a road trip. It’s a covert operation.
ANDREW: Right. Right. Gotcha. (beat) I—I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They’re really good.
SPIKE: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
ANDREW: Ooh, I love those.
SPIKE: Yeah, me, too.
ANDREW: It’s an onion... and it’s a flower. I—I don’t understand how such a thing is possible.
SPIKE: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
ANDREW: Masterful.
SPIKE: Yeah. (beat) Tell anyone we had this conversation, I’ll bite you.
ANDREW: Right.

SPIKE: You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine, and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which does not always rush in the direction of my head. So I’ve made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. (squatting before her) A hundred plus years, only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. (He moves to touch her face. Misinterpreting, she turns away, but he puts his hand to her cheek, urges her to...) Look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it’s not because I want you, or ‘cause I can’t have you – it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I’ve seen your strength, and your kindness, I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. (She is silently crying. He can only smile at her kindly, containing his own emotions.) You’re the one, Buffy.
BUFFY: I don’t... I don’t want to be the one.
SPIKE: I don’t want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

SPIKE: I can feel it, Buffy.
BUFFY: What?
SPIKE: My soul. It’s really there. It kind of stings.
[later...]
SPIKE: Go on, then.
BUFFY: No! No, you’ve done enough! You could still…
SPIKE: No, you’ve beaten them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.
FAITH: Buffy, come on!
SPIKE: Gotta move, lamb. I think it’s fair to say, school’s out for the bloody summer.
BUFFY: Spike!
SPIKE: I mean it! I gotta do this.
[Buffy reaches for his outstretched hand, their fingers lace, then burst into flame]
BUFFY: I love you.
SPIKE: No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it. Now go! [she does]
SPIKE: I want to see how it ends.
[He laughs as he breaks into dust, taking the hellmouth and Sunnydale with him]

Tomorrow: The moments on Buffy that made us cry.