YAY!! My GIRL!!
Oh yeah, baby, my girl Caridee won America’s Next Top Model last night! What a great episode (I always love the finales). I was never a huge fan of Eugena/Eugenia (I can’t even remember her name) so when it came down to Melrose (“I don’t have time for the ‘issa’”) and Caridee, I knew it was ON. (OK, so usually the winner is the one with the best Cover Girl shot, but you never know when they're gonna change that.)

Melrose has taken some beautiful pictures throughout the season, and you can’t deny her runway walk totally rocked. When she did the photo shoot as Donald Trump and, er… Trump’s trophy wife (can’t remember her name, either), it was possibly the best photo EVER on ANTM. But as the competition’s gone on, I’ve gone from being her apologist (early on the other models bitched that Melrose made them wash the dishes after she made the meal… uh, and the problem is…?) to agreeing with the other girls. Last week when she lost the flamenco competition after thinking she was too good to practice, she completely broke down because she HATED losing. This week, not only did she call Caridee a ho when they were in hair and makeup (!!!!!! OK, maybe she thought she was being all cool and stuff, “Shut up, ho!” but, um, no. We know you don’t talk like that, so don’t get all ebonics on us at the last minute here) but at the fashion show, Caridee stepped on her dress by accident and it ripped, and Melrose had a total fit. She practically ran off the runway, freaking out to Jay that Caridee had made a hole in her dress, and she’s crying and saying she wants to kill her. Caridee apologized, and Melrose was all, “Oh, you’re SORRY? I have a RIP in MY DRESS!” Whoa, Melrose. Learn to take it down a notch. If anything, it’s a bonus to you because you show grace under pressure, and whammo, the judges love you even more. But she wasn’t looking at it that way.

Caridee has been my favourite in this competition ever since my lovely little Meg got booted early on (or was it Megan? The one with the short hair, not the talentless one who called herself the rocker chick). Caridee is funny, she’s fun to be with, she has a heart, and she has passion for this competition. Most of all, she’s sincere. Everything that comes out of Melrose’s mouth is staged, rehearsed, and fake (right down to the “I’m just happy to be here” crap she spouted at the very end, which was SO not true: she felt it was her right to be there, and would only be happy if she’d won). Caridee, on the other hand, is SO sincere her problem is toning it down and pretending she’s not a spaz all the time. (Since I, too, am mostly a spaz, I loved her.) She got into trouble a couple of weeks ago with Nigel when he told them they were going to be holding a pole in a photo shoot, and she asked him if he’d pulled it out of his ass right after the previous judging panel (the one where he’d been uncharacteristically cruel to her). OK, maybe that wasn’t the best time to have said that, but I thought it was HILARIOUS. And, like I’ve said before, what we don’t see are the hours and hours it takes to film each one of these scenes. The judging scenes take about 10 minutes on screen, but they probably film it for 4 hours, and between takes they’re all laughing and joking around, and she probably thought she was just joking around with “I’m not a funny guy, so please don’t crack a joke around me” Nigel.

Speaking of Nigel, I thought he was on crack this week. They ALL were. When they got to the bull-fighting pictures, Nigel – who, two weeks earlier, said Caridee’s photo was weak, and they all agreed her mind wasn’t on the shoot and she’d totally screwed up because she had pissed off Nigel with the ass comment only moments earlier – now said her picture was one of the BEST. And they all agreed. Huh?! And then they said Melrose’s picture, which two weeks ago they’d said was one of the best, now became one of the worst. Way to change history to make it fit your ultimate decision, judges. And then, with Jay sitting right there on the judging panel as they discussed the runway competition, he never actually brought up the meltdown Melrose had with the stepping-on-the-dress incident. Wouldn't that have been something to mention? "Yeah... see, the thing is, she walks a great walk, but under stress, um, runs off the stage and threatens to kill other models. Might be a bit of a problem."

But hey, I’m not gonna complain, because their decision was mine, too. Caridee can learn a runway walk. Their hangup with Danielle (or Dani, as she is now called) was that she couldn’t talk, and did you notice the improvement in her speech this week when she came back? So our girl will learn to walk and tone things down. That particular fashion show was AWESOME, by the way, with the only low point being “Miss Jay” deciding to take a walk (I’d like him to take a walk, too, but I won’t say where).

Yay, Caridee! I hope my pal Crissy was watching, because she and I need to take notes for when we try out for Canada’s Next Top Model. Hey, I might be a decade older than Melrose, who they thought was “old” at 23, but then Tyra said all you need in this business is the passion, not the talent. So I’m in!! Wait for me, Jay, I’m COMIN’!!!