He just looks SO sad
Isn't there a universe
Where Jack is happy?
Rose comforting Jack;
Desmond there; Shannon is not;
What is going ON?!
Richard was in chains?
Metaphorical or real?
WITHOUT MAYBELLINE?!
Thought the guitar case
Would contain something wondrous?
I think we've been ankhed.
I've seen John Locke brave,
Enlightened, and sad. But now?
He's effing SCARY.
Smokey's in a rage
Kills everyone, even Bram
While Ben pees his pants.
Mostly, I write about television, and with this being the home of the Great Buffy Rewatch of 2011, a lot of that television is Joss Whedon-related (when it's not about Lost). Stick around if you love Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Sherlock, Lost, BtVS, Doctor Who, or anything on HBO.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
"LA X" Haiku Time!!
It's time to jumpstart that tradition from last year: Haiku that followed each episode! I'll start things, but I always find the ones you guys come up with to be far more entertaining. :)
I do not tell lies.
ReplyDeleteAm I lying about that?
I am Ben Linus.
Fair enough, Dogen.
ReplyDeleteBut English on Freckles' tongue
tastes like strawberries.
Dharma shark returns.
ReplyDeleteGonna need a bigger boat.
(tuba, cellos play)
New reality?
ReplyDeleteNew chance to see Frogurt hit
with flaming arrows.
@Trace: All great, the first absolutely brilliant!
ReplyDeleteNikki and Paulo
ReplyDeleteGod help us, somewhere out there:
Nikki and Paulo
Oops! I just realized that only works if you say "Paulo" with a lazy diphthong ("Pow-lo") and not -- assuming Portuguese is as syllabic as Spanish -- properly ("Pa-oo-lo).
ReplyDeleteI can hear it now
ReplyDeleteThe Skaters and Jaters are
revving their engines
Sayid is dying!
ReplyDeleteNo! He's alive! But where is
his torcha scrunchie?
@Blam, your poem gives me chills. God help us all indeed. And Nikki said "Pow-lo", so I'd say that pronunciation is canon. But just to be sure, let's ask Paolo himself:
ReplyDelete"Pa-OO-lo," he cries.
Too bad nobody hears him
through six feet of sand.
"Did bomb work or not?"
ReplyDeletethe producers sit and say,
"why not just do both."
Hark! Sayid's last words:
ReplyDeleteglub glub glub glub glub glub glub
(deep breath) "What happened?"
Here at The Temple,
ReplyDeleteWe have a jacuzzi
Use at your own risk
I just had a flash
ReplyDeletebut I thought sideways was the
movie about wine?
"You look familiar."
ReplyDelete"Sorry, dude, wrong universe."
"Oh." "Honest mistake."
Now I get to see
ReplyDeleteso many friends from Deadwood
on another show
Good Locke evil Locke
ReplyDeleteBrain is hurting like always
Help me understand
I think I get it
ReplyDeletealternate reality
is like real life, squared
Verification word: "baskate" the kind of case you are if you think getting hung up on a fickle fugitive is a good idea
Nifty! Two timelines!
ReplyDeleteWe can lit'rally have our
cake and eat it too!
Jin is such a jerk,
ReplyDeleteare you really that surprised
Sun Paik stayed single?
Haiku for Juliet:
ReplyDeleteShe's going going
going out for coffee dutch
going going gone.
Ah, Richard, Ben lied,
ReplyDeleteThe Shadow Seekers were fried,
"It worked." Not this side.
With Nemo it lies
Beneath the sea, shark included.
Only for our eyes.
Blam, you're killing me, here! You rock.
ReplyDeleteI felt bad for Ben,
I did for a while, but now
he needs a beating
...
ReplyDeleteSo the bomb went off
but we're all still here and in
Two Thousand Seven?
...
Apparently the
energy ripped a hole in
reality's walls.
...
I'd love for Daniel
to explain but here he's dead
and there, never born.
I dunno, HB; nothing beats that jacuzzi line.
ReplyDeleteI bet these comments
ReplyDeletehit 108 before Lost
even airs tonight.
Please don't tell me that
ReplyDeletewe're going to learn that Richard's
into S&M
"You're the monster?" "Let's
ReplyDeletenot resort to name-calling,
you bug-eyed liar."
One hundred and eight,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that our haikus will
add up to that soon
Oh no! Jacob's dead!
ReplyDeleteWe're now at Smokey's mercy!
Time for fireworks!
I think Blam and I
ReplyDeleteare just a little obsessed
with haikus today
I think I need a break
otherwise nine o'clock will
find me still typing
Blam, do you suppose
that tonight's episode will
surpass the premiere?
I can guarantee
ReplyDeletethat it will be surpassed by
at least seven days.
Last one for now, possibly influenced somehow by Evil Blam:
ReplyDelete...
Oh, Silly Marshal.
Even ladies make some noise
when they go tinkle.
...
You know you were all thinking it.
I bet that Smokey
ReplyDeletecelebrates the Mardi Gras
and not Ash Wednesday
Pa-OO-lo," he cries.
ReplyDeleteToo bad nobody hears him
through six feet of sand.
Hahaha! This really tickles me for reasons I can't quite put into words! And I will forever pronounce his name
"Pa-OO-lo" in a desperate voice.
Sayid is dying!
No! He's alive! But where is
his torcha scrunchie?
:D
Oh, Silly Marshal.
Even ladies make some noise
when they go tinkle.
Haha! You know, I saw a thing on Oprah once about how freaked out women were about peeing in public restrooms. These women (quite a few admitted to it) said they won't pee until everyone leaves or they'll pee on piles of toilet paper to muffle the pee sounds. Whereas men will happily crap away in public. Guys should be thankful for that freedom. Poop freedom.
@HumanBean
ReplyDeleteHere at The Temple,
We have a jacuzzi
Use at your own risk
Hahahhahahhahahahhaha! Love it!!
The Island is now
ReplyDeleteunderwater. How far? Far...
Yet only one foot!
...
Now I'm done. Really. 'Til later.
No haiku yet, but yes Joan, I'm one of those. In college, I would line the inside of bowl with tp to hide all sounds. BY the way- i love your blog- very funny.
ReplyDeleteThe temple dwellers
ReplyDeletelook very much like pirates
said my 5 year old
Blam and humanebean
ReplyDeleteWill get these comments up to
108 for sure!
@humanebean:
ReplyDeletePlease DO tell me that
we're going to learn that Richard's
into S&M
Strange graveside service.
ReplyDeleteSawyer buries Juliet.
Miles offers, "It worked."
Verification word: mastrat - Rodent on a sailboat
Desmond is married
ReplyDeleteas to whom we are not sure
my guess is Nikki
It is fun to write
ReplyDeleteHaikus about the best show
that is on t.v.
I'm not really sure
ReplyDeletehow the writers will answer
everything in time.
okay, I think I'm done...
First was the fan fic
ReplyDeletethen came the revelation
Nik is scaring me
I have to rethink
ReplyDeleteJuliet wrapped in chains was
tragic and kinky
; ]
One more...
ReplyDeleteSawyer broke my heart,
when he cried for Juliet.
Can I take her place?
Rose and Bernard make kissyface.
ReplyDeletePigheaded Jin tells Sun to button up.
She shows too much clavicle.
Evil Locke is mad
ReplyDeleteIn all, he's disappointed
Tell me what that means????
Desmond's on the plane.
ReplyDeleteWait, who's pressing the button?
Hang on, what button?
What's that old saying?
Water, water everywhere,
Island in the drink!
Rose is calm in flight.
Jack's the one who is frightened.
A role reversal.
Dharma Losties live.
Seems that maybe Jughead was
Past his used by date.
Who rules the Temple?
Bow down before the might of
Ghengis Otherton!
Ricardus in chains
ReplyDeleteAll sweaty, hot and bothered
Does guyliner run?
The love quadrangle
ReplyDeleteIs no more since Juliet
Plans on coffee, dutch
Is it possible
ReplyDeletethat jears will not be shed in
every episode?
When will Evil Locke
ReplyDeletehave cross time line battle with
Adorable Locke
Let's just not resort
ReplyDeleteTo name calling while Smokey
is away from home
Sayid can't succumb!
ReplyDeleteHe's got a class to teach in
Bad Ass MF-ry!!
(spell it out, not in front of the kids)
@JS
ReplyDeleteRicardus in chains
All sweaty, hot and bothered
Does guyliner run?
Amazing!
Hmmm...
Sayid was left to
bleed and maybe die, instead
he took a gross bath
guess Smokey doesn't
like his new little nickname
no name-calling, please
Charlie, you are alive
choking on your heroin
can I get a pen, here?
Oh torcha scrunchie
us ladies will miss you so
Oh torcha scrunchie
Hurley has a gun.
ReplyDeleteAnd he knows how to use it.
Ooh I'm really scared.
There once was a plane
ReplyDeletewith misfits galore on board
what really happened?
Hey Richard , you get
ReplyDeletethe chains and I'll slip into
something less comf'table.
I know there will be
ReplyDeletea convergence of timelines
somewhere in the past?
Verification word - holyp - what happens when the pope uses the restroom
Next time I get off
ReplyDeletea plane I want a dreamy
theme to be playing
and everyone to
disembark in slow motion
looking all wistful.
@Stacy - Thanks :)
ReplyDelete@Jenn - Oh torcha scrunchie
us ladies will miss you so
Oh torcha scrunchie
Haha, I loves it! Is it really the end of the Torcha Scrunchie ;_;
@Alibags - Brilliant! I love how "expressive" we girls are here ;)
VW: Narawee - How the priest from the Princess Bride says 'narrowly'.
Hey Ilana, what's
ReplyDeleteup with your lame ass guards?
Now Jacob is dead!
Ilana's guy, named Bram
Got killed with a wooden stake
Nice ref Darlton
So palatable
ReplyDeleteSayid, Sawyer, Richard, Ben(?)
Oh, just form a line
VW: Breddit
How my Daddy told me we done got the stupid out of our family - breddit out.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, Jack Shephard,
ReplyDeletethis line is for men only.
Here, have this tissue.
VW: Allmollmi
What my Ma called the $36 a month she got from my Daddy.
"Batard better not be late with my almollmi!"
@Joan
ReplyDeletePart two of your haiku made me laugh so hard!
As for the end of the torcha scrunchie, I guess we'll have to see if Sayid remains the torturer that we all know and love:)
Smokey hates Richard.
ReplyDeleteLook out, he’s gonna hit him!
Hit him back, Rich- … Aw.
So Jacob is dead.
Hurley sees him, but Jin can’t.
So why disappear?
Sayid’s almost dead?
We’ll bring him back with drowning!
That should – no, wait. What?
Hurley sees dead folks.
So does that mean back then Dave
Was just some dead guy?*
*Not really a LA X one, but I’ve been thinking about that for the past week.
@Joan: Here, have this tissue
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha.
@Jenn: oh torcha scrunchie
a tear came to my eye....
@teebore: Nice. Joan Crawford will appreciate that one ;)
ReplyDelete@trace: Ahahahaha... "Pa-oo-lo"
And everyone else, Brilliant! (I would name you all by name, but I'm just waaaay to lame and lazy.)
Sad when Claire disappeared
ReplyDeleteBut happy once again
Emilie de Ravin back in main cast.
Can someone tell me what the heck a "torcha scrunchie" means? :)
I LOVE Lost haikus!
ReplyDeleteHere's a couple (man I have a lot to go back and read)
This one is in honor of my sister:
Bram, Bram, muffin man
We barely knew thee, strange sir
Your name made us laugh
And this one's in Nikki's honor:
Desmond's on the plane?
And now married to Nikki?
I can't believe it!
And here's a couple more for fun:
Charlie in the loo
The drug addict's back again
"Should have let me die"
Jack on a plane
Need to fix things hasn't changed
Jears firmly intact
Sawyer's heartbroken
Juliet dies once again
Pain fills his blue eyes
Foot underwater
With really bad CGI
It's NOT Atlantis
Hurley's guitar case
Holds a giant wooden ankh
Which holds Jacob's list
@Mark - "Torcha Scrunchie" is what we call Sayid's hair tie that he wears when he goes to work. I am pretty sure Ack made it up :)
ReplyDelete@Trace: Frogurt! hahahaha
ReplyDelete@Blam: N&P! hahahaha
You are all brilliant! Curses upon work for making me wait so long to come post!
@Joan C. Thank you. lol. That's what I thought, ahhhh...torcha short for torture. Got it, got it! :D
ReplyDeleteBack of Dharma vans
ReplyDeleteHold an awful lot of chains
Bumpers super strong
Juliet dead because of Jack
ReplyDeleteJack's dad Christian missing
Expect lots of Jackface!
What part of "Don't come
ReplyDeleteback!" and "Don't follow me!" do
these people not get?
Okay, we didn't get
ReplyDeleteto 108, but I had
things to do. Sorry!
Ah, Claire. Blond, goth, or
ReplyDeletesoot-faced in next week's promo
you're palatable.
Sayid's hairstyles:
ReplyDeleteTorturing, scrunchie. Being
tortured, Jheri curl.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete@Joan: The sad truth is that I have found Ethan palatable since S1. True. Everyone else is like EVIL DEMON and I am like, you can kidnap me anytime. ;) Wait, did I just admit that out loud?
ReplyDelete@Sonshine - Ahhhhhhh! I have to say, I really respect this Sonshine, and I am more than a little impressed (and creeped out) :D
ReplyDeleteThe sad truth is that I have found Ethan palatable since S1.
ReplyDeleteEeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!
I have to join my sister on that one ;)
ReplyDeleteEthan Rom, Ethan
ReplyDeleteRom: He's almost as creepy
as his cousin Tom.
@Achinghope - The infection is spreading! You girls are awesome. I find this whole thing so goddamn delightful :D
ReplyDelete@Blam: Best haiku EVER
ReplyDeleteVerif word: tribler, someone who collects tribbles
@Blam: bwa ahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteBut wait, Ethan and Tom are not cousins. I refuse
Joan: You, SonshineMusic, AchingHope, and Evil Blam all deserve one another. I'm staying far away.
ReplyDelete...
VW: dinwarch — Thuh tahmpiece on muh wrist that tells me when thuh grub's reddy.
@Sonshine: Not that Tom.
ReplyDeleteErgh... That's even worse.
ReplyDeleteoof. He just lost a little palatability. Man, now every time I see his face I'm going to be thinking... not TOm! Are you sure that wasn't EvilBlam posting just now, trying to spoil my moment of openness?!
ReplyDeleteVW: ressive - the opposite of passive
We have strayed so far
ReplyDeleteFrom Lost haikus on this post
Everyone else left
VW: amodes - with ice cream?
@Sonshine: Every time I see his face, I'm thinking, "Actually, I'm kind-of impressed you didn't try to fix any of that before looking for work in Hollywood." He was pretty good in In the Bedroom, though, and of course is requisitely creeptastic on Lost.
ReplyDelete...
VW: cratedam — 1. What keeps the barrels from invading the other half of the store. 2. What you need, along with a cratesire, to make baby crates.
Little miss Sonshine,
ReplyDeleteI'd be commenting haikus,
but I don't know how.
VW: belog, saying 'belong' with a cold
Yeah. Nikki's clearly
ReplyDeletetoo busy with the recap.
She won't be amused.
@AchingHope: varrry niiice :0)
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the fact that we are typing these comments sitting about 3 feet from each other, each on our own computer. Ah the age of technology :0
Nikki will have a
ReplyDeletelot of bizarre things to read
when she comes back here
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNOT three feet away
ReplyDeleteFrom anyone but you, sis
Who else would be near?
Some smoke monster, eh?
Bloggers from across the world?
Or an un-dead Locke?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure that wasn't EvilBlam posting just now, trying to spoil my moment of openness?!
ReplyDeleteNope, it's just me, Common-Sense Blam, who finds Ethan only a few notches of skeevy below any character played by Jake Busey.
Actually, I'm kind-of impressed you didn't try to fix any of that
ReplyDeleteLOL
I've heard that if you say "Evil Blam" thrice, he appears. How many times has it been?
ReplyDeleteAnd Blam - I am sure you have had crushes on unique people. I myself had my first crush on cartoon Batman. And it feels good to say it:D
Wait! Are we turning this into a tell all? hmmmm.... I think I have my next blog post - "SonshineMusic's Top Palatables" haha :D
ReplyDeleteI love the fact that "palatable" has now become a working part of our vocabulary used both on and off the screen. Ummm... you guys use that word in regular conversation, right? RIGHT?!
ReplyDeleteVW: jebowl - the big French sports occasion
You think that I sit around all day waiting to be summoned, eh, Joan Crawfish? Perchance Evil Blam has better things to do than play Am I Palatable or Not will the silly picture-box characters. However, I have heard inklings that this other Blam of whom you are so fond once harbored twitterpation for the myopic Miss Velma who kept company with that cannabis-addicted Great Dane of Saturday-morning "ghostbusting".
ReplyDelete...
Verification word: Jinkies!
AAAAahahahaahah! "...Am I Palatable or Not will the silly picture-box characters"
ReplyDelete"will the silly picture-box characters"
ReplyDeleteHurrm. That should have been "with", eh. I am currently replaying the day's Access Hollywood and was distracted by the Greek-American enchantress Maria Menounos' staccato laugh. Is it nasal? Is it glottal? Nay, it is both, and therein lies its aphrodisiac quality!
I am sure you have had crushes on unique people. I myself had my first crush on cartoon Batman.
ReplyDeleteDid I enjoy Yvonne Craig's shiny, skintight Batgirl outfit while not quite old enough to understand why? Sure. Did I take one look at Middle-of-the-Night Supermarket Psyche-Not-Claire and think, "You can find me wandering in the produce section anytime"? Uh, no.
...
VW: blych — The appropriate reaction for the turn this comment section has taken.
Did I enjoy Yvonne Craig's shiny, skintight Batgirl outfit while not quite old enough to understand why? Sure.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way about David Bowie's tights in Labyrinth!
I am currently replaying the day's Access Hollywood and was distracted by the Greek-American enchantress Maria Menounos' staccato laugh. Is it nasal? Is it glottal? Nay, it is both, and therein lies its aphrodisiac quality!
ReplyDeleteThis is why we summon Evil Blam!
VW: mcness
What they will call the burgers they make out of the Loch Ness Monster once they find him. And we, by God, we will!
@Sonshine Music and Joan Crawford
ReplyDeleteI am so sad that a few days ago I actually checked on the noun version of 'palatable' and you'll be glad to know that both 'palatableness' and 'palatability' are correct, although somewhat of a mouthful.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHey all: I'm so sorry for the deleted posts, but there was a rightful complaint on the post for "What Kate Does" saying this post had haikus to do with episode 3, when he hadn't yet seen it. I'll be opening up the haiku mania every week right before the new episodes, so if we could always keep to last week's show and save the haikus for the current show to the following week, that would be aces.
ReplyDeleteI deleted haikus from Ali Bags, Sonshine, and JS, but I'll save those in a separate document and repost them on next week's post so they don't get lost. Any other deleted comment was just a reference to "What Kate Does." Sorry, guys!! I'll be more explicit in the instructions next week. :)
Batty: I've removed the offending haikus (but I'll repost them next week) and let me know if there were any other posts where you saw spoilers. Again, I'm sorry!!
ReplyDeleteGotcha Nikki :) Like I told BatCabbage, we kind of got... carried away (as you could probably tell) but will keep to current and not new stuff in the future.
ReplyDelete:)
VW: cooffe - what you say when you really need a cup-a-joe
Sorry Miss Stafford. Won't do it again.
ReplyDelete