Friday, December 25, 2009

Twelve Days of Island Christmas



On the first day of Christmas the island gave to me:
A single tennis shoe in a tree.

On the second day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Two Dharma beers,
and a single tennis shoe in a tree.

On the third day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Three French chicks,
two Dharma beers,
and a single tennis shoe in a tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Four statue toes,
three French chicks,
two Dharma beers,
and a single tennis shoe in a tree.

On the fifth of Christmas the island gave to me:
FIVE EXPOSÉS!!
She said “Power lines!”
“No, Paulo lies!”
Nope, she’s paralyzed.
Haha-hoho-heehee-heehee-heeeee-heeee.

On the sixth day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Six Daniel journals,
FIVE EXPOSÉS!!
Did I mention Nikki dies?
YEP, Nikki’s dead.
She’s buried alive.
Haha-hoho-heehee-heehee-heeee-heee.

On the seventh day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Seven donkey wheels, six... bloop!

[Whoa... where am I now? Am I still on day eight?]

On the eighth day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Eight numbered bunnies,
seven donkey wheels,
six Daniel journals,
FIVE EXPOSÉS!!
Four statue toes,
three French chicks,
two Dharma beers,
and a single tennis shoe in a tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Nine painful nosebleeds,
eight numbered bunnies,
seven donkey wheels,
six... oh, not again!!! BLOOP!

[Oh man, this is getting worse. I need a constant.]

On the tenth day of Christmas the island gave to me:
Ten Desmond Humes,
nine... something-somethings,
who really cares,
I’ve got Desmond Humes,
six... oh, whatever,
I’VE GOT MY CONSTANT!!!!
Ten Desmond Humes,
ten Desmond Humes,
ten Desmond Humes,
and a single tennis shoe in a tree!

On the eleventh day of Christmas the island gave to me
Eleven thrown hot pockets
Ten cannonballs
Nine Apollo bars
Eight “Awesome, dudes”
Seven ranch dressings
Six cursed numbers
FIVE GOLDEN CHRISTS!
Four red Camaros
Three awesome Carmens
Two red fruit loops
And a promise not to hurt Hurley!

On the twelfth day of Christmas the island gave to me
Twelve Finding Losts,
Eleven shameless plugs
At ten stores near you,
With nine (thousand) clues explained
And eight... hey, that’s Hurley’s number
And seven book reports
For six Lost rewatches
FIVE NIK AT NITES!!
It’ll help with Jacob
And John Locke
And help explain the show
You can find your constant i-in Nikki!

[Stafford, not Fernandez. She’s dead. HAHAHA!]

Happy holidays, everyone!!

23 comments:

studiorose said...

Brilliant, Nikki! Now all we need is a piano and a raucous, mostly drunk great-aunt to bang out the tune while the relatives gather 'round.

My version would be completely about Sayid:

Six fixed transistors, five torture scrunchies, four revealing tank tops, three minutes with flat-iron....well, you get the idea.

Hope you and yours are having a wonderful day!

LUIZ GNZ said...

NIKKI:

BOA TARDE ... !!!

FELIZ NATAL .. !!

Sou do Brasil, do Bairro de Alphaville, um condominio fechado, da Cidade de Barueri no Estado de São Paulo, faz parte da Grnade São Paulo, região metropolitana.
Primeiro te peço desculpas por estar escrevendo em PORTUGÊS, mas é porque o meu INGLES escrito não é tão bom ... risos ...

Tambem tenho um BLOG, com pouco mais de 50 dias no ar, que está fazendo, tabem, um grande sucesso, graças a Deus.

Andei lendo muita coisa aqui em seu BLOG, traduzindo-o, .. risos .. , e o achei extremamente interessante.

Certamente virei por aqui mais vezes.

Grande abraço e sucesso .. !!

LUIZ GNZ - Alphaville - Barueri - São Paulo - Brasil

blogluizgnz.blogspot.com

..

A.G.Wooding said...

Merry Christmas Nikki!!

It's just hit me, this is the last christmas before Lost. This time next year I'll be sat around a xmas table, picking at roast potatoes and wondering if they'll ever be a programme as good as Lost. But at least we were there to experience it.

Just got the complete box set of Alias however which I've never watched and began to think ahead to a time where my child unwraps his xmas present.

"What's this Dad?"
"Well son, there was this plane crash..."

Merry Xmas!!!

Ambivalentman said...

Thanks for the Christmas laugh, Nikki! Your love/lust for Desmond rivals mine for Juliet (sigh).

I love getting presents -- as I'm sure we all do -- but mine is on back order and won't be available until February 2nd.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Jeremiah

Joan Crawford said...

This was a wonderful song and especially liked the ending -

"Stafford, not Fernandez. She’s dead. HAHAHA!"

LOL! Merry Christmas!

Joan Crawford said...

...and *I* especially liked the ending.

Batcabbage said...

Nikki, that was great. I did notice, though, that when you had your ten Desmonds that you still had the single tennis shoe. That's a little worrying. :)

Hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas/Hannukah/Quanza/And-All-The-Others!!!!

SonshineMusic said...

That was the best Christmas Carol I've heard in a long time. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Absolutely loved it :D

Merry Christmas everybody! Hope you all had as wonderful a day as I did ...

Twelve Dunkin Donuts
Eleven stocking stuffers
Ten pounds of ham
Nine seats round the table
Eight hours laughing
Seven puppy pictures
Six Christmas cookies
FIVE LOST EPISODES!
Four family visitors
Three wanted CDs
Two funny movies
and a Merry Christmas to all of you!

fb said...

you are a total nutbar and i love you for it! hahaha! happy christmas, nik! xoxo

Susan said...

hehehe very funny! The best take-off of the song I've ever heard.

redeem147 said...

That was rather wonderful.

the Question Mark said...

HOORAY!!!!

peacockblue said...

Nikki,
That is absolutely brilliant. I loved every line of it. A great pick me up and worth another read (and a printed copy stashed in your season 5 book to be saved for posterity).
Thanks

JS said...

Noice

Blam said...

Very nicely done, Nikki, and bonus points for flashing me back to the days of listening to Bob & Doug McKenzie's version with friends... on vinyl...!

SenexMacdonald said...

OMG, Nikki, you so rock! What a great read and an even bigger laugh. :)

Hope your holidays are warm and cozy and includes cuddling in front of a nice tv watching LOST.

My Christmas present to my hubbie (and his to mine) is a nice big flatscreen tv so we can watch the final season in all its' glory. Final... (wipes tear)

I have to go now to print up your carol and put it somewhere safe until next year.

ARTAR said...

Nikki! so i gave my wife a copy of your latest Finding Lost book for the holidays(along with season 5 dvd) and as i was thumbing thru it on Xmas i glanced at the acknowledgements and found my username among those listed. thank you so much it was vastly appreciated! while i didnt check your blogs so much over the summer (start of fatherhood & moving to a new state will do that) we plan on watching some key episodes along with season 5 before upcoming final season, so ill check your archives in weeks ahead then daily once season rolls around. once again thanks again, it was a nice holiday treat, im honored!

Nikki Stafford said...

Blam: LOL! Bob and Doug! I didn't know non-Canadians knew Bob and Doug. They're pretty cool, eh? Ya hoser...

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... FIVE GOLDEN TOQUES!! Four pounds of backbacon, three French toasts, two turtlenecks, and a beer... in a tree.

;) I used to listen to my cousin's tape of it when we were kids. Man... I've got to see if I can find that thing on CD.

LoyallyLOST said...

MWAHAHAHA! THAT was so cool! How do you come up with these things!

Erin said...

Love it, Nikki!

Got your book for Christmas (my husband read my list... hurrah!) I was thrilled to bits. And then so, so sad (aforementioned husband gave me a lecture on how I needed to "get over it!") to see I didn't make the list of blog commenters in the acknowledgments at the end. I read through it about 12 times. Sigh. I thought I was one of the devoted followers. I even had my cake photo posted on Nik at Nite last spring!

Maybe if there's a second print run, you could add me in?

Merry Christmas!

Nikki Stafford said...

Erin: Wah, I'm so sorry. :( That makes me so sad. I went through each of the blog posts that I wrote following each episode and went through all of the comments, writing down the names of each person as I went. I didn't go through every single blog post, just the ones I wrote following each episode. I spent hours and hours doing it, thinking this was the way to give back to the people who give so much to me and my blog. But I've had people email me saying they weren't in there, or their name was spelled wrong, and now this... I think for the season 6 book I'm just going to have to throw in the towel and just give a blanket thank-you, with no individual names. That way no one will be sad or upset. I listed dozens of people who did help out, but I've had more people upset than happy about it, so it seems to have done more harm than good, sadly. :(

I'm so sorry. I hope it doesn't tarnish the rest of the book for you.

Nikki Stafford said...

P.S. And yes, I will see if we could get you in there on a reprint, because you are absolutely one of my regulars. ;)

Erin said...

Oh dear, Nikki! I didn't mean to make you feel bad or to be a big whiner about it. Please don't worry. I think it was lovely of you to try to include every single name of every single commenter. An amazing feat to even attempt! I was being a bit of a drama queen about the whole thing, and I'm sorry. I'd love to get in there on the reprint, but life will go on if I don't. I'll be too busy enjoying my time with Sawyer again to get too worked up about it, I promise ;)

More importantly, I am loving the book. Have read through several episodes so far and am getting very excited about Season 6!!!! 5 weeks from tonight, I wonder what we'll all be doing?! Yay. Can't wait for 2010!