LaFleur: Deleted Scene

In honour of tonight's LACK OF EPISODE (:::sob:::) I thought of posting a fake blog on the next episode, but I did that a year ago, and some people just about choked on their coffee when they read it, at first thinking they'd missed a legitimate episode. I don't want to fake anyone out again. :) So, instead, I found out about this deleted scene from "LaFleur," from the scene where Sawyer goes out to meet with Richard Alpert. Enjoy!

***

SAWYER: I also know that 20 years ago, some bald fella limped into your camp and fed you some mumbo jumbo about being your leader. And then poof... he went and disappeared right in front of ya. Any of this ringin' a bell? That man's name is John Locke, and I'm waitin' for him to come back. So... you still think I'm a member of the damn DHARMA Initiative?

RICHARD: No. I guess I don't. But no matter who you are, two of my men are dead. And my people need some kind of justice. Now what are we gonna do about that?

SAWYER: Seriously? Listen here, Captain Eyeliner, I just told you that I’m a time traveler and I’ve BEEN time traveling with the very man that you’re searching for. At the very least, you should be asking me how the hell I know that and who or what I am. Then you should be asking me what I know about John Locke, and thirdly, the audience should be asking how the hell I would know any of this since I was somewhere else in the jungle while John was in your camp.



RICHARD: Look, I don’t know where your hostility is coming from, but I can assure you I know plenty about John Locke, and I don’t think I need to be getting any information from [sits back and takes a good look at Sawyer]… you.

SAWYER: Maybe I should repeat myself: I am a time traveler.

RICHARD: Show me someone on this island who isn’t, and then I’ll be impressed. You think you’re somehow special because the island has forced you to jump through time? I’ve been living on this island for a lot longer than you. A LOT longer. And check me out: I’m still young and hot.



SAWYER: How the hell do I know you’re telling the truth?

RICHARD: Are you calling me a liar?? Tell me, in this “time traveling” that you did, did you ever see a statue? Because that is a statue that was built hundreds of years ago. And I was THERE. I am a phar-OH, would you look at the time!

SAWYER: Wait a minute, there, Hoss, what were you about to tell me? That this island has something to do with Ancient Egypt or something?

RICHARD: Really, I do need to get going. I have, um… some hair growing to do. In time to make a magical appearance to Ben. I really need to…

SAWYER: Wait, what did you say there, Tutankhamen?? Ben, as in Ben Linus? Is HE in this camp, too?



RICHARD: Aw, jeez… um… look, I gotta run.

SAWYER: Is he time traveling, too? Did the two of you start some ancient civilization on this island that still carries some of the mystical properties to this day and you discovered how to separate it from the rest of the world, calling up a smoke monster as some sort of ancient protector over all, and the reason we all crashed on the island is because…

RICHARD: Whoa.

DAMON: All right, CUT! Josh, what the hell are you doing? You’re like, giving away the ending and we’re only in season 5.

JOSH HOLLOWAY: NO WAY! Did I seriously just figure it out??



DAMON: Uh… n-no? No. Absolutely not. [To Carlton] Scrap all that Egyptian stuff… we’ll have to start over.

JOSH: Oh, SNAP, I totally figured it out, didn’t I??

DAMON: No you didn’t, Josh. So just cut it out.

EMILIE DE RAVIN: [emerging from the jungle] Is it time for my line, yet?

DAMON: Sigh… No, Emilie. I told you, you need to stick around in the jungle until we need you.

EMILIE: But I don’t understand why you can’t just let me know when I’ll be used and then call me to the set on that day. I’ve been hiding in this friggin’ jungle for WEEKS, now, Damon!



DAMON: It’s all part of the mystique! Claire’s out there somewhere, hangin’ with Christian. She’ll be back in season 6, so don’t worry, and… oh.

EMILIE: Season 6?! You mean you had no reason to use me AT ALL this season?? That’s it. I spent a season just sitting on the beach holding a giant doll and asking Jack every two minutes if the kid looked sick to him, and then another season tromping through the jungle with the damn kid slung over my shoulder, and now you’ve had me picking bamboo bits out of my hair for weeks for NOTHING. I quit. [Storms off…]

DAMON: [To Carlton] CRAP. Cut out all that stuff about Claire’s part in all of this. We’ll have to reveal that Christian also fathered Kate or something.

CARLTON: Ew.

DAMON: Let’s just get the writers together. We’ve got some work to do. [They all leave.]

NESTOR CARBONELL: Um… hello? Anyone? Can I wash the eyeliner off now?

LOST: "Meet Kevin Johnson" Deleted Scene

To mourn one more Thursday without a new episode of Lost, here is a deleted scene from the beginning of the last episode that aired, "Meet Kevin Johnson." I will not vouch for its veracity. ;)

INT - House in Otherville. LOCKE has just brought MILES into a room.

LOCKE: ... you deserve to know everything that I know. So... no more secrets. As you all know, Miles here and three of his people came to the island about a week ago. I brought him up from the boathouse to share with us exactly why they’re here.

MILES: We’re here for him. [points to Ben]

HURLEY: Um... we kinda like, knew that forever ago.

LOCKE: Wait... it gets better. Miles... tell them what else we discussed.

MILES: [pauses, rolls his eyes] Uh... Locke has been listening to the island, and it’s telling him things.

HURLEY: Dude. We’ve known that even longer than forever.

LOCKE: Oh yeah? Well... there’s a SMOKE MONSTER on the island!!!

HURLEY: Dude. Seriously. News that is older than dirt.

LOCKE: B... But... But I was the one who figured all of this out! It was ME! Don’t you remember back when I told you guys that we are not alone on this island?

HURLEY: Yeah, dude, and you added, “And you all know it.” Because we DID. Everyone knew it. Hell, Nikki and Paulo knew it.

SAWYER: Who the hell are Nikki and Paulo?

LOCKE: Listen, the point is, this island has secrets, and we need to find them. It speaks to me, and I am the island prophet.

BEN: Oh, brother... listen to this guy.

LOCKE: Oh, I’m sorry, Ben, did you have any revelations for the group??

BEN: Yes! My man on the boat is MICHAEL.

[gasps all around]

LOCKE: Okay, well, that’s new...

CLAIRE: Actually... I kinda figured that out through process of elimination. You see, if you consider all the possibilities...

LOCKE: Not now, Claire. You keep quiet. Rock the baby or something. You’ve been good at that for the past few seasons... er... weeks. What I’m saying is I’ve been keeping Miles down in the boathouse with a LIVE GRENADE in his mouth because I knew he had important information for us, and...

MILES: Actually, I assumed it wasn’t live. I mean, I had important information, and you’re not stupid, so there’s no way you would have blown my head off.

[Murmurs from the group, “Yeah, I figured that, too...” “He wouldn’t have done something that crazy....”

MILES: And you didn’t tie my hands very well, so I was taking the grenade out, and only putting it back in when I could see you coming toward the boathouse.

[LOCKE looks at everyone, nostrils flaring, anger management class lessons disappearing from his head.]

LOCKE: YOU PEOPLE ARE UNGRATEFUL!!! I’ve taught you SO much. I’ve taught you how to track wild boar...

SAWYER: Actually, Kate showed a lot of us how to track animals before you did...

LOCKE: ... how to throw knives...

ROUSSEAU: Sorry, that was me. I was coming out of hiding and showing people how to defend themselves. Sixteen years on the island and all...

LOCKE: ...how to play backgammon...

HURLEY: I, uh, think most of us played that game when we were kids.

LOCKE: [fuming] ... I SHOWED YOU THAT THE ISLAND HAS MYSTICAL PROPERTIES!!!

CLAIRE: I think even Aaron knew that one... before he was born.

LOCKE: All right, fine. I give up. You people think you’re so smart, then YOU find another leader!

[opens the door, slams it, and storms out]

BEN: Well. THAT went well.

[door opens, LOCKE comes back in, walks angrily across the room, picks up a plate and smashes it against the wall. Walks back to the door, and leaves.]

BEN: Well. He’s nothing if not consistent.

Lost: 4.09 “Of Mice and Sawyer”
TEASE: Sawyer may not be one of the Oceanic Six, but he’s getting off the island… with or without his clothes!

Episode Recap:
Whew!! Possibly the most exciting episode of the series, and the most revealing. In a flashforward, we see what will happen to Sawyer and the other castaways who were left behind. No, they don't die, but in the final moments of the rescue, the reason that only six people made it on the plane is . . . aw, you don’t need me to tell you this. You all saw the episode.

Highlights:
-Sawyer’s naked butt as he emerged from the ocean. OH YEAH!!
-Hurley’s caustic remark that finally silences Sawyer. Best. Line. Ever.

Biggest “GASP!” Moments:
-Paulo and Nikki were ALIENS?!
-The Oceanic Six were NOT the only ones to actually make it off the island!
-Ben is Sawyer’s REAL FATHER!!

Hurley’s Numbers:
The price of Sawyer’s house is $199,065 (42 x 8 – 16 ÷ 4 x 108 + 15 x 23). Kate knocks on the door 4 times.

Did You Notice?:
-Sawyer reading my first Finding Lost book on the beach! How metafilmic, considering it’s about the group of them as fictional characters.
-When Sawyer goes to secretly visit with Jack, you can see the Buffy episode, “Once More, With Feeling” playing on Jack’s television, but he’s muted it. Man doesn’t know good musicals when he hears them, apparently.
-When Stephen Hawking travels through the air on the island in his magical wheelchair, you can see Walt hiding underneath it.
-Sawyer’s house in the real world has a white picket fence and he’s keeping rabbits in the backyard. Looks like he took that Steinbeck novel a little too seriously.
-In the scene where we finally find out why Desmond had to push that button for three years (thank goodness, I thought they’d NEVER explain that!), you can see a polar bear behind the station working on the plumbing. (Is it just me, or did the show become really surreal this week?)

So Many Questions...
-So does this mean Ben killed Sawyer’s mother?
-When will Locke learn? He spent almost a full day drywalling that section of the house in Otherville just to hide the secret documents from Ben, and the moment Ben comes in and says, “Locke, I believe you know where some papers are. If you don’t tell me, I think they’re all gonna laugh at you” Locke points to the wall and says, “Yeah, I put them there. Do you want me to rip it all apart to give it to you?” Sheesh, Locke. What’s happened to you?
-So if Sawyer sees Daniel Faraday in his house in 2007, but it’s actually Daniel from 2001 time traveling, and 1996 Desmond is chained to him as his constant, does this mean… um… actually, what does this mean?
-Could magical wheelchair Hawking be Jacob, or a manifestation of Smokey?

Next week: Deleted scenes from this season’s episodes!

Flashes Before Your Eyes:
Deleted Scene 2

INT. SAWYER’S TENT

CHARLIE and HURLEY are going through Sawyer’s things.

CHARLIE: He would want us to do this.

HURLEY: He would want us to ransack his tent and take his stash? Yeah, that sounds exactly like Sawyer.

CHARLIE: Well, he stole all this in the first place. I mean, people need food, they need medical supplies, they need [picks up a stack of Playpen magazine]… shocking amounts of pornography.

HURLEY: Dude. No wonder Sawyer was spending so many long periods of time in the tent with the flaps closed.

CHARLIE: Wow. I thought I’d seen it all, but… whoa, I didn’t even know that position was humanly possible.

HURLEY: Give me one of those, Dude. Wait… I don’t think these are Sawyer’s.

CHARLIE: What do you mean they’re not Sawyer’s? They’re in his tent.

HURLEY: Yeah, but check out the address stamp.

CAMERA zooms in on the label on the magazine:

Paulo
c/o Beach
Mysterious Island
South Pacific

CHARLIE: Who the hell’s Paulo?

ENTER PAULO

PAULO: Oh… uh… what are you guys doing here?

CHARLIE: And you are…?

HURLEY: Dude, we were, um, just reading some… books.

PAULO: I was, um…. I was just out hitting some rocks with golf balls, like I do every day, and… uh… I thought I… hit one in here?

CHARLIE: No golf rocks in here, brother.

HURLEY: No, but we, um, found your subscription.

PAULO [face goes white]: My….? Oh. You haven’t let Nikki see those, have you?

CHARLIE: Who the hell’s Nikki?

ENTER NIKKI

NIKKI: Who just said my name? What are you guys all doing here? Why are you all sitting around when there is work to be done???

CHARLIE: And you are…?

HURLEY: Oh [trying to hide the magazines behind himself]… we were just, um… trying to find some shade?

NIKKI: Oh my GOD! [reaches forward and snatches the book out of Hurley’s hand] NABOKOV?! You were in here reading Nabokov?! WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS, HURLEY?

HURLEY: Dude, why are you always saying that to…

NIKKI: This is smut. SMUT. I can’t believe you’re trying to infect my Paulo with this stuff. WHY are you hanging around these two lug-heads, Paulo?

PAULO: Nikki. I am going to need to have to ask you to get off my case right now.

CHARLIE [to Hurley]: Does he speak English?

NIKKI: And where is Jack? I know he would be putting a stop to this.

CHARLIE: …

HURLEY: I already… told you. The Others kidnapped him. He’s on the other side of the island.

NIKKI: AND WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS, HURLEY???

HURLEY: I… never mind.

PAULO: I want to sit here and be with one of the boys… wait. Be one of the boys.

NIKKI: Oh, get out of that tent, Paulo. I don’t know why you bother with these two.

EXIT NIKKI AND PAULO

CHARLIE: Who the hell were those two? [gasps] Do you think they were Others?

HURLEY: Dude, the Others are civilized human beings compared to those two. You know, since coming to the island, I’ve often wondered what’s more confusing: the fact that my numbers keep recurring, or the lyrics to your hit single.

CHARLIE: What do you mean? My lyrics are…

HURLEY: But those are old now. The new biggest mystery on this island? Why those two are suddenly talking to people.

CHARLIE: Wow… this position is with two men, five women, and a chair. I can’t believe they got them all into the same shot. “They all everybody…”

HURLEY: Dude. Don’t sing the song.

Flashes Before Your Eyes:
Deleted Scenes

EXT. BEACH

DESMOND has just saved CLAIRE from drowning. Now he sits alone on the beach, staring at a photo of Penelope, when Claire walks over to him and begins making small talk.

DESMOND: How you feeling?

CLAIRE: Still a little shaken up. I go swimming almost every day. The undertow just grabbed me… if you hadn’t…

DESMOND: Your hair.

CLAIRE: …I would… my what? Hair?

DESMOND: Your hair looks different.

CLAIRE: Oh… yeah, I had it done by Paulo. He was a hairdresser before he came to the island, so he’s been keeping everyone’s hair looking nice. He does makeup too. And esthetics. I mean, how else do you think Sun has such a perfect manicure, and my makeup is always flawless despite sleeping no more than 3 hours at a time and living on a deserted island?

DESMOND: …

CLAIRE: Yeah, Kate was cutting Sawyer’s hair for a while, and I cut Charlie’s, and then Paulo stepped up and said he really wished we would stop doing that, because women don’t make very good hairdressers anyway, so he’s been doing everyone’s hair lately. Maybe you should have yours done? He said I could use a change, so I got bangs. Do you like them?

DESMOND: Uh… sure, it looks fine… um… who’s Paulo?

CLAIRE: You haven’t seen Paulo? He’s only been here since the beginning. This is so weird…

DESMOND: What’s so weird?

CLAIRE: Everyone’s acting like they’ve never seen Paulo before, yet he’s been here the whole time. And Nikki… a lot of people are looking at her like she just dropped from the sky or something. But she was there with me when the food dropped.

DESMOND: The food dropped?

CLAIRE: Oh… yeah… you were out on your boat, sailing away from… or around the… anyway, there was a giant parachute containing crates of food that feel from the sky, and all of these people swooped in and began grabbing stuff like vultures… anyway, there was this pair of brand new skinny pants that was in the crate – I mean, you’ve never seen me wearing them before on the island, and it’s not like we suddenly have new clothes we’ve been keeping hidden away – and Nikki and I fought over them, until she realized I was way smaller and they’d have never fit her.

DESMOND: …

CLAIRE: So… okay, what was I saying? Oh… so I just wanted to say, if you hadn’t…

CHARLIE: Claire? I thought you were only gonna be five minutes? Aaron’s starving; you fed him seven minutes ago and as I learned from when I was never a parent, new babies need to be nursed every five minutes.

CLAIRE: Oh… right… I was just…

CHARLIE: I don’t care what you were just… come and feed this kid. Jeez, just because you were going to give him up for adoption doesn’t mean you can drop the ball now. [looks at Desmond] She DID tell you she was going to give him up for adoption, didn’t she? Was totally going to give him up. I remind her of this every day so that she will feel guilty and be a better mother.

DESMOND: I made a mistake.

CHARLIE: What kind of mistake?

DESMOND: I never should have stopped… you know what? Forget it. I can make up for it tomorrow.

CLAIRE stands up and walks away with CHARLIE.

CHARLIE: I don’t like you hanging around that guy. He’s… strange. “He all everybody!”

CLAIRE: Oh god, please don’t sing the song.