Lostaholics Anonymous

Date: September 22, 2010

[INT: Meeting hall. Several people are gathered inside, some huddled against one another, whispering. Some sniffling is heard, while others quietly weep in the corner. A few people are wearing tan-coloured jumpsuits with strange patches on the chest.]

Nikki: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first meeting of the Nik at Nite chapter of Lostaholics Anonymous, LA for short.

[A brunette in the back corner suddenly wails loudly.]

Sonshine Music: You said ‘LA’!! The plane never even MADE it to LA... waaaaaah....

Nikki: Sorry, Sonshine. It’s been a long summer, and I know we’ve all been through a lot, but this is a place we’ve made together, where we can all talk about what we’ve been through. We are gathered here today, on the sixth anniversary of the plane crash, to discuss, OK, bear with me as I say it: Lost.

[A few people erupt in extreme sobbing. A couple in the corner leans on each other for support, and the man is mysteriously wearing cabbage leaves on his head.]

Nikki: Many of us know each other already, having spent the last three or four years discussing the ins and outs of Lost on my blog, Nik at Nite. We’ve anticipated the beginning of many seasons together, we’ve discussed the minutiae of each episode long into the night, we’ve had disagreements, and we’ve expressed joy at just being together and getting to know one another. We followed the show right to “The End,” and some of us liked it, others didn’t. We chatted about the show for a week or so after it ended, and then I sadly had to disappear to go and write a book. Some of us were forced to let it go quicker than others, and for me, that moment came when I watched the book go to the printer. And then I suddenly felt as empty and bereft as so many of you did.

[The sobs quiet, while the noises of nose-blowing can be heard throughout the hall.]

Nikki: And so we’re here now, and we’re going to ease each other through this withdrawal process. We will follow a few of the normal therapy steps, but Lostaholics Anonymous isn’t like other programs. We’re not here to cut Lost out of our lives. We are here to continue the discussion and come to terms with the fact that we’re not weird for wanting to talk about it. We need to accept that Lost will always be a part of us, even if we move on and watch other shows. We’re not betraying Darlton by watching other television shows; we’re just moving on in a way. We’ve all dealt with our withdrawal in different ways, some of us… um… [Nikki spots a few Jearded folks throughout the audience] in more, uh, unique ways. But now we can do it together.

[Nikki puts up a large poster on the wall behind her.]

Nikki: So now, if you’ll all say it along with me, it’s time for our serenity prayer.

All: “Jacob grant me the Serenity to accept that Lost is over, the Courage to continue to talk about it without feeling sad, and the Wisdom to let it go.”

Nikki: Now, does anyone want to start?

[One of the crazily bearded men stands up in the middle of the room.]

Man: WE HAVE TO GO BAAAACK!!!

Nikki: OK, OK, I understand, but… wait… Blam, is that you? Where the hell did that beard come from?

Blam: I, uh... oh... this? Um... well, see, I haven’t had time to shave because I’ve been rewatching the episodes, and for some reason on a rewatch Jack’s beard didn’t look so disgusting, and the next thing you know, uh... You know what? A diagram would explain it better. Does anyone here have a napkin and a pen??

Nikki: You know what, it’s OK. Listen, guys, what I want to do each Wednesday (because Wednesday nights still feel like Lost nights, regardless of what night season 6 appeared on) is discuss an aspect of the show. You can contribute as little or as much as you’d like, and this will just be a place to get our Lost fix as we slowly let go of our obsession. So far this new fall season of TV, despite half of them touting themselves as the new Lost, just hasn’t given us anything that feels remotely Lost-like. So for now, we’ll grieve the end of our show, discuss some of the finer points now that we’ve had more time to think about all of them, and talk about new shows that we should be watching.

So, this week I’m just looking for a show of hands. Who’s interested in being a part of this group? And let me know if you have any particular topics you want to discuss. Let’s start our group discussion below.

Next week: Our favourite moments.