Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Chocolate Milk

I have come to realize that Brooklyn Nine-Nine might be my favourite show on television right now. Last year started off a little bumpy, but by the end of the season it was the most consistently funny and sharp show on television. Just two episodes in this year, it’s even better. This week’s episode featured an A plot of Terry trying to get a vasectomy (which Jake somehow thinks means lopping off his penis) and Jake trying to talk him out of it as they investigate a stabbing that happened at a hipster chocolate milk bar called DRK MLK (haha!!) while the B plot was about Holt and the precinct getting evaluated by a woman (played by Kyra Sedgwick) whom Holt sees as his arch-nemesis.

Boyle: I got a vasectomy. No big deal, just numbs you all the way from trunk to skunk for about a year.
Terry: It’s... not supposed to!
Jake: Trunk to skunk?!

Jake: Guys, if the Sarge wants to chop off his penis that is his choice.
Terry: That is NOT what a vasectomy is! If you guys don’t get back to work I’m gonna start firing detectives.
Santiago: And blanks! Sorry... I just never think of jokes.

Jake: So look, we’ll work this thing together and afterwards I will be your friend chariot to the penis removal of the century.

Holt: Good news, our evaluation will be done by Chief Deputy Brant. We have a good rapport, he was once my captain.
Boyle: So he’s kinda like our grand captain.
Holt [face remaining unchanged and stoic]: That... was amazingly funny.

Terry and Jake try the chocolate milk and both look like they’re going to be sick.
Jake: Oh! Aw... it’s SO bitter. What’s wrong with this chocolate milk?!
Hipster douche: Dark milk isn’t chocolate milk. This is teat to mouth raw cow’s milk. The bitterness of the dark chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk!
Jake: That’s the worst part of both of those things!!

Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But... if you’re here, who’s guarding HADES?!

Jake [in waiting room as Terry is wheeled out]: Hey, how’d it go, is his voice all high-pitched now?
Doc: What? No, of course not.
Jake: Of course not.
Terry [high on drugs]: Jake, the doctors made me into a superhero! I’m SO STRONG! [looks at his fingers] Gasp! And they made me black!
Doctor: He’s on a lot of medication. We weren’t able to do the procedure, your friend is so large that...
Jake: That you needed a bigger saw to cut through his dingus?

Jake: The text reads, ‘Your ideas are dum-dum batter in a stupid pancake you steaming pile of human fences.’
Terry: I assume that was autocorrected from ‘feces.’

Terry: When’s the last time you had a carrot?
Jake: Well, it’s my least favourite kind of cake so, rarely.

Jake: You wanna know the other thing that drives up premiums? Unwanted genital removal!

Wuntch: Spot checks are done. Needless to say I am thoroughly underwhelmed
Holt: Huh. From your expression I would have guessed constipated. Or chilly.

Holt: Where did you get this?
Santiago: I just went down to One Police Plaza and applied some of my signature Amy charm.
Gina: And when you wouldn’t stop they just gave it to you? 


Dusk said...

I haven't seen this but I have heard it won an Emmy and now I may check it out because of this blog post.

Are you still watching BBT? Howard/Bernadette have become my personal faves. I am as glad they finally broke Raj's mutism a few seasons ago. Sheldon & Penny can be a bit grating at times but can both still have good moments.

Have you finished Orphan Black S2? What did you think of the big twist at the end? Alison is still the best clone ever.

If your out there Teebore, what did you think of the Korra premiere? It was bold with the way they chose to set it up but I can see why they did that to already get the conflicts going. The biggest surprise though had to be that new engagement. When a certain grandmother comes back she'll have to kick some butt!

Marsh_Gerda said...

Your write up made me laugh. I have dvr'ed the show and will have to watch tonight. It is the only sit com I make a point to watch every week. Even the theme song/intro makes me happy. Keep up the great reviews.