The Avengers! Not just for smart people...

After watching people on Twitter and Facebook bragging that they’d seen The Avengers seven or eight times and being extremely jealous that I still hadn’t seen it ONCE, I FINALLY got to see it on the weekend. And while a friend of mine warned me that it may have been too overhyped, I’m happy to report that I loved it. I loved every scene The Hulk was in, I thought the casting was phenomenal, and while Tony Stark’s arrogance was a bit much in certain scenes, he was playing to character, exactly who he’s been in the Iron Man films.

Oh, and I am deeply, madly, passionately in love with Tom Hiddleston’s Loki.

But just as you may be thinking that statement makes me a total girl who’s not worthy of seeing a Marvel film, I can tell you I’m far more equipped to see it than some others. And the least qualified to see it was the girl sitting next to the guy to my right. They came in just as the movie was about to start, and somehow those two seats were free. They sat down, and he made some geeky remark and she giggled and I thought, “Ah… lovely. True fans.” As the previews ended and the Marvel insignia lit up the screen, he began jumping in his seat and said, “I am so crazy excited to see this!!!!” and she laughed. And then? They talked through the entire film. Mostly because she was SO thick he had to explain what was happening at every turn. At first, it was truly hilarious.

When Black Widow tries to recruit Bruce Banner to join The Avengers, he keeps referring to “the other guy” in an effort to avoid saying “The Hulk.” He tells her that every time he tries to do something, “the other guy” stops him, and he lives his life in fear that “the other guy” will control him again, and he needs to keep “the other guy” under wraps. Finally the girl beside me says, “OK, I’ll bite. Is he like schizophrenic or something?”

You know when people say their jaw dropped? My mouth literally dropped open. I would have thought she was joking if her boyfriend didn’t immediately start loudly explaining it to her. “No, see, he’s actually the Hulk.” “Oooh!! The Hulk is in this?”

????

“And, so, what… the Hulk is like, in him?”

I just wanted to turn my chair to the side and face them… I was loving The Avengers, but this was FAR more entertaining.

As the bad guys first descend from the sky, and come straight towards the Stark building, blowing out the S, she says, “Is that the Stark building?” REALLY?!

Later, in the midst of them blowing the shit out of Manhattan: “So… is this what you would call Gotham City?” “No, honey, that’s what Batman would call it.” I didn’t say that, but wish I had.

The funny disappeared when Loki’s men blew out the engines of the S.H.I.E.L.D. aircraft and Iron Man was outside fixing it, and the guy was LOUDLY talking through the entire scene, explaining to his dumbass girlfriend who Hawkeye was (that was already established), who Captain America was (we’re 90 minutes into this and you haven’t figured out who Captain America is yet??), why Loki was after S.H.I.E.L.D., and why the Hulk turned on Black Widow. If you’ve seen the movie, you know how bloody loud this scene is. I couldn’t hear it over him.

Dude. Next time you go see a Marvel movie? Leave her at home. Please. Rent the film when it comes out, and explain to her the wonders of the comic book world (no, honey, the guy from Cabin in the Woods didn’t grow his hair long and become a god… he’s playing a different role here) and we won’t have to suffer through her stupidity.

But beyond these two brain trusts, the movie was awesome. Joss infused it with some of his classic dialogue, the Hulk was fantastic (especially when whooping Loki’s ass), Loki was mesmerizing when he stood in the cage and taunted everyone who came by, and there’s a scene that was like geek porn: In a fight between Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America, who would win?

Guess you’ll have to go see the movie to find out. I know I’m heading back soon.

Oh, and I wish I’d spoiled myself just this once to find out who Alexis Denisof was playing. I scoured every scene searching for him, only to find out he’s the very first guy you see in the movie. ARGH. He was just covered in so much makeup there’s no way I would have known it was him. Since the ending of the movie was clearly setting up The Avengers 2, here’s hoping Loki continues to be the key villain. As long as they don’t hurt him too much. (OK, fine. I’m a girl.)