Sunday, May 26, 2013

The News That Changed My Life This Week

So, typically I write about 10 small things I loved in the week; occasionally there's a larger thing in there. Last week I didn't post anything (long weekend, guests at our house, occasion didn't present itself) so this week I have 14 days to make up for. But instead of making a list of 20, or even 10, I'm just going to list one.

Because it was AMAZING.

For years, I've heard the same refrain: getting older means everything in your body will eventually betray you, shut down, change for the worse, and you'd damn well better accept it. Don't try to tell a professional that you don't feel old, that you still feel like you're in your 20s. They know better.

Age: 30
Place: High-end spa (my husband is a golf writer, and as such he's often sent to resorts. Before we had kids, my job was to visit the spa and report back so he could write about it in his column. Tough gig, I know).
Her: So... you're over 30 now? You're going to have to start using an anti-wrinkle cream.
Me: ??? But... I just turned 30! I don't actually have any wrinkles...
Her: You will soon, so you should start using the cream, especially around your eyes.
Me: Butbutbut... I was just carded, like, yesterday at the beer store.
Her: Use a wrinkle cream.

Age: 34
Place: Chiropractor's office
Him: You're going to need to watch out for certain things; activities that you used to do without a care in the world before are changing now that you're in your mid-30s.
Me: I... don't feel mid-30s.
Him: Yes, but your body will tighten and things will fall out of place more readily. You're over 30.
Me: Sigh.

Age: 36
Place: Ob/gyn's office
Her: Are you thinking of having more kids?
Me: No, two is good.
Her: Good, because past the age of 35, your...
Me: Yeah yeah yeah, my ovaries have turned to quartz and my children would be born with horns. I'm old, I get it. Just yesterday I was sliding down the slides with my kids and challenging my daughter to a foot race and carrying my son all over the place, but yeah, I'm apparently over the hill.

Age: 37
Place: Cardiologist's office
Him: So, we've got all the test results back, and we've determined that you were born with a heart condition that has lain dormant all your life. For most people it's triggered in their early 20s when they're in university or starting a new job, because it's stress that turns it on. Somehow you've made it to your late 30s with it.
Me: So... that's good then?
Him: Well, no, it means your body simply can't handle stress anymore. We're booking you for heart surgery next year.
Me: Bloody hell.

And then... WAIT FOR IT...

Age: 40
Place: Optometrist's office
Her: So, no changes in your eyes over the past year?
Me [finally accepting everything they've said to me for the past 10 years]: Yes. I can't see things close up anymore. I have to tip my glasses up and look under them. I don't want bifocals. I'll just keep tipping my glasses up for now, but I know my eyes are getting worse.
Her: Have you considered laser surgery?
Me: Not really. My prescription is so low, and besides, my sister-in-law just had it, and she described it to me and I've decided she's some sort of warrior, because when she described them slicing her eyeball open and wiping the retina with a cloth? Um... I'll wear glasses for the rest of my life rather than go through that seven seconds of hell.
Her: Well, let's take a look at them and see what's going on then.
Testing... testing... testing...
Her: You're not a candidate for laser eye surgery.
Me: O...kay, that's good, I guess?
Her: It's really good, because here's what's happened: your eyes haven't gotten worse, they've gotten better.
Me: ...
Her: The reason you're lifting your glasses is because the prescription is too strong for your eyes now. They're getting better.
Me: They're... getting... sorry, I just don't understand.
Her: I've got a handful of patients like you, with lower prescriptions — I see here you're 2.75 in one eye, and 1.25 in the other — who approach the age of 40 and suddenly their muscles figure out what's what and begin focusing in a way they've never done before. With age your eyes can get better. According to my tests, you're now a 2.00 in one eye, and 0.75 in the other.
Me: They... get better with age?!
Her: I've got a couple of women who started improving at age 40, like you, and by age 45 they had perfect 20/20 vision. I think you could be like them, and soon you can toss those glasses out.
Me: I... I...

I was convinced I'd stepped into some fairy tale. I have NEVER heard of this in my life. But I did tell her that I have a tendency to take them off now for reading, editing, working on the computer, and even just walking around the house. I don't wear contacts much anymore because obviously you can't take those in and out, but glasses you can put up on your head. A couple of times in the past couple of months I've gotten the kids ready for school, jumped into the car and then realized I didn't have my glasses on.

So. I guess not EVERYTHING gets worse with age, right?? This is the best, most life-altering news I've gotten all year. There is hope for the four-eyed among us. :)


KathyT said...

wow. I'd never heard of that either. way overdue for an eye test myself as I head closer to "gasp" 50- next year. my body feels it, but my mind still feels like an immature kid

Eamonn said...

Its almost like you're self-healing now, like Wolverine.

Nikki Stafford said...

Eamonn: Hahaha!!! That seriously just made me laugh out loud. ;)

Dusk said...

Speed up the process and eat carrots!

Speaking of Marvel stuff, I assume you'll be checking out SHIELD on Tuesdays? I will not type out all the periods in the name, too aggravating ;)

Colleen/redeem147 said...

My eyes were better at my last appointment. Maybe they'll be perfect when I'm sixty. ;)

Blam said...

I'm happy for you, Nikki, but I can only wish I were in the same boat. My eyes are getting worse — and with astigmatism, that ain't gonna change, because the eyes are actually shaped wrong. Within the past year I've started doing that thing my sister and I used to laugh at my mom for doing, the move where you bring tiny print closer to your face to read it only to realize that it's clearer when you hold it out a little farther instead, so I might be headed for bifocals myself.

Efthymia said...

Do you have short/near-sightedness?
My mom had that, and as her age progressed she also started seeing better and needing her glasses less, so we assumed that as the far-sightedness was kicking in, it brought more balance to her eyesight.

Whatever the reason, good for you! :)

The Question Mark said...

That's amazing! I've never heard of that happening before! You're a superhero, Nikki!