Wednesday, March 11, 2009

LaFleur: Deleted Scene

In honour of tonight's LACK OF EPISODE (:::sob:::) I thought of posting a fake blog on the next episode, but I did that a year ago, and some people just about choked on their coffee when they read it, at first thinking they'd missed a legitimate episode. I don't want to fake anyone out again. :) So, instead, I found out about this deleted scene from "LaFleur," from the scene where Sawyer goes out to meet with Richard Alpert. Enjoy!

***

SAWYER: I also know that 20 years ago, some bald fella limped into your camp and fed you some mumbo jumbo about being your leader. And then poof... he went and disappeared right in front of ya. Any of this ringin' a bell? That man's name is John Locke, and I'm waitin' for him to come back. So... you still think I'm a member of the damn DHARMA Initiative?



RICHARD: No. I guess I don't. But no matter who you are, two of my men are dead. And my people need some kind of justice. Now what are we gonna do about that?

SAWYER: Seriously? Listen here, Captain Eyeliner, I just told you that I’m a time traveler and I’ve BEEN time traveling with the very man that you’re searching for. At the very least, you should be asking me how the hell I know that and who or what I am. Then you should be asking me what I know about John Locke, and thirdly, the audience should be asking how the hell I would know any of this since I was somewhere else in the jungle while John was in your camp.



RICHARD: Look, I don’t know where your hostility is coming from, but I can assure you I know plenty about John Locke, and I don’t think I need to be getting any information from [sits back and takes a good look at Sawyer]… you.

SAWYER: Maybe I should repeat myself: I am a time traveler.

RICHARD: Show me someone on this island who isn’t, and then I’ll be impressed. You think you’re somehow special because the island has forced you to jump through time? I’ve been living on this island for a lot longer than you. A LOT longer. And check me out: I’m still young and hot.



SAWYER: How the hell do I know you’re telling the truth?

RICHARD: Are you calling me a liar?? Tell me, in this “time traveling” that you did, did you ever see a statue? Because that is a statue that was built hundreds of years ago. And I was THERE. I am a phar-OH, would you look at the time!

SAWYER: Wait a minute, there, Hoss, what were you about to tell me? That this island has something to do with Ancient Egypt or something?

RICHARD: Really, I do need to get going. I have, um… some hair growing to do. In time to make a magical appearance to Ben. I really need to…

SAWYER: Wait, what did you say there, Tutankhamen?? Ben, as in Ben Linus? Is HE in this camp, too?



RICHARD: Aw, jeez… um… look, I gotta run.

SAWYER: Is he time traveling, too? Did the two of you start some ancient civilization on this island that still carries some of the mystical properties to this day and you discovered how to separate it from the rest of the world, calling up a smoke monster as some sort of ancient protector over all, and the reason we all crashed on the island is because…

RICHARD: Whoa.

DAMON: All right, CUT! Josh, what the hell are you doing? You’re like, giving away the ending and we’re only in season 5.

JOSH HOLLOWAY: NO WAY! Did I seriously just figure it out??



DAMON: Uh… n-no? No. Absolutely not. [To Carlton] Scrap all that Egyptian stuff… we’ll have to start over.

JOSH: Oh, SNAP, I totally figured it out, didn’t I??

DAMON: No you didn’t, Josh. So just cut it out.

EMILIE DE RAVIN: [emerging from the jungle] Is it time for my line, yet?

DAMON: Sigh… No, Emilie. I told you, you need to stick around in the jungle until we need you.

EMILIE: But I don’t understand why you can’t just let me know when I’ll be used and then call me to the set on that day. I’ve been hiding in this friggin’ jungle for WEEKS, now, Damon!



DAMON: It’s all part of the mystique! Claire’s out there somewhere, hangin’ with Christian. She’ll be back in season 6, so don’t worry, and… oh.

EMILIE: Season 6?! You mean you had no reason to use me AT ALL this season?? That’s it. I spent a season just sitting on the beach holding a giant doll and asking Jack every two minutes if the kid looked sick to him, and then another season tromping through the jungle with the damn kid slung over my shoulder, and now you’ve had me picking bamboo bits out of my hair for weeks for NOTHING. I quit. [Storms off…]

DAMON: [To Carlton] CRAP. Cut out all that stuff about Claire’s part in all of this. We’ll have to reveal that Christian also fathered Kate or something.

CARLTON: Ew.

DAMON: Let’s just get the writers together. We’ve got some work to do. [They all leave.]

NESTOR CARBONELL: Um… hello? Anyone? Can I wash the eyeliner off now?

20 comments:

Lisa said...

hahahahhahahaha you almost had me, I was looking all over for the link to this bit of film and then I finally realized that you made one up. Great stuff !!

Benny said...

Welll... Josh did spend a lot of time reading books related to Lost!

I wouldn't be surprised if he actually figured it out... or at least Sawyer!

Plain_Gillian said...

I think I might pee my pants laughing if Josh Holloway actually ever said "Oh snap"... hee, I am still laughing

Ali Bags said...

This was already one of my favourite scenes ever (purely because it featured both RA and Sawyer being mega cute) and now I love it even more. Thanks Nikki.

Michelle Rowen said...

That's so funny. I had a dream last night that Richard is an ancient Egyptian guardian of the island and the smoke monster (who is actually the essence of the god statue on the beach). And also in the dream Richard was madly in love with me. Obviously it's all completely true. ;-)

Hutch said...

Thanks Nikki,

Thinking about that scene will help me get through my LOST withdrawal for the week. <:-(

Beena said...

Hilarious!

Jazzygirl said...

My friend told me this morning that she heard a news report on the radio that Evageline Lily was leaving the show? Anyone hear this also? So close to the end and she'd leave? I find it hard to believe.

Nikki Stafford said...

Jazzy: I think that's been debunked. It was a story that broke 2 weeks ago on Zap2it, and then Lilly denied it, but the rumours kept swirling that perhaps another female was leaving the cast. But I'm pretty sure Lilly has come out and said she's not leaving. I'm not exactly sure, because I avoid spoilers at all costs so I haven't been following this very closely.

ashlie said...

Ha, that was great, Nikki, thanks for the laugh! Did anyone watch the enhanced LaFleur last night? I watched most of it, but missed the beginning and was wondering if they said anything interesting about the statue. I don't know if the enhanced episodes are considered spoilers or not...

joshua said...

Awesome! I propose you do these regularly.

In watching the rebroadcast last night (of COURSE I did!), something occurred to me regarding Amy and Horace's baby that I didn't think about the first time around...

The child is born in 1977, right? Doesn't that make him the perfect age to be Hugo? I think Garcia much more closely resembles the two of them than his "storied" parents. Excepting the lottery and subsequent curse-related content, his backstory is markedly thin, particularly for a character who is portrayed as being so plugged into the island's spiritual mainline, what with all the hanging out playing checkers with ghostly manifestations. Then there's the incident from "The Beginning Of The End" when he gets lost and is led to the cabin.

And c'mon, let's just admit it -- we've all been waiting for the episode when we find out Hugo's real significance, anyway... right?

ashlie said...

Hmmm, Joshua, I have to agree that Amy's wild curls to seem to match Hurley's!

Jazzygirl said...

Thanks, Nikki. I also hate spoilers but when I hear rumors, it's hard to ignore. :)
I did watch the enhanced version also last night. There were a few "confirmations" via the pop-ups. Of course I can't think of them all right now. I am trying to remember what they said about the statue. They made a reference to the 4 toed foot that was seen before. I do think it said something about be egyptian but I'm not 100% sure now. Pretty useless, I know. LOL
Although it DID say that Sawyer used the LaFleur in the past during a long con. I know that was questioned on here in the other post.

SonshineMusic said...

oh my werd! That was so freakin' hilarious. Oh, I missed lost last night. I missed being able to hop on here and go nuts with questions and comments and speculation... sigh... at least it was only one week off :)

Maggie Elizabeth said...

Hahahahahahahhahahaha Nikki, this is perfect!!! I love this! I think I will print it off and put it up on my wall.

Katy Boose said...

Awesome scene
maybe the writers should be taking points from you!
hilarious

batcabbage said...

JOSH HOLLOWAY: NO WAY! Did I seriously just figure it out??

DAMON: Uh… n-no?

Best. Line. Ever.

Nikki, thanks for trying to make the wait a little less 'Lost-less'. This week just feels weird now without an episode. Lost withdrawal sucks!

joshua said...

This made me happy this morning:

http://tinyurl.com/rumblers

Ali Bags said...

lol @joshua

Johnny B said...

Best. Blog. Ever.