Sunday, February 18, 2007

Flashes Before Your Eyes:
Deleted Scenes


EXT. BEACH

DESMOND has just saved CLAIRE from drowning. Now he sits alone on the beach, staring at a photo of Penelope, when Claire walks over to him and begins making small talk.

DESMOND: How you feeling?

CLAIRE: Still a little shaken up. I go swimming almost every day. The undertow just grabbed me… if you hadn’t…

DESMOND: Your hair.

CLAIRE: …I would… my what? Hair?

DESMOND: Your hair looks different.

CLAIRE: Oh… yeah, I had it done by Paulo. He was a hairdresser before he came to the island, so he’s been keeping everyone’s hair looking nice. He does makeup too. And esthetics. I mean, how else do you think Sun has such a perfect manicure, and my makeup is always flawless despite sleeping no more than 3 hours at a time and living on a deserted island?

DESMOND: …

CLAIRE: Yeah, Kate was cutting Sawyer’s hair for a while, and I cut Charlie’s, and then Paulo stepped up and said he really wished we would stop doing that, because women don’t make very good hairdressers anyway, so he’s been doing everyone’s hair lately. Maybe you should have yours done? He said I could use a change, so I got bangs. Do you like them?

DESMOND: Uh… sure, it looks fine… um… who’s Paulo?

CLAIRE: You haven’t seen Paulo? He’s only been here since the beginning. This is so weird…

DESMOND: What’s so weird?

CLAIRE: Everyone’s acting like they’ve never seen Paulo before, yet he’s been here the whole time. And Nikki… a lot of people are looking at her like she just dropped from the sky or something. But she was there with me when the food dropped.

DESMOND: The food dropped?

CLAIRE: Oh… yeah… you were out on your boat, sailing away from… or around the… anyway, there was a giant parachute containing crates of food that feel from the sky, and all of these people swooped in and began grabbing stuff like vultures… anyway, there was this pair of brand new skinny pants that was in the crate – I mean, you’ve never seen me wearing them before on the island, and it’s not like we suddenly have new clothes we’ve been keeping hidden away – and Nikki and I fought over them, until she realized I was way smaller and they’d have never fit her.

DESMOND: …

CLAIRE: So… okay, what was I saying? Oh… so I just wanted to say, if you hadn’t…

CHARLIE: Claire? I thought you were only gonna be five minutes? Aaron’s starving; you fed him seven minutes ago and as I learned from when I was never a parent, new babies need to be nursed every five minutes.

CLAIRE: Oh… right… I was just…

CHARLIE: I don’t care what you were just… come and feed this kid. Jeez, just because you were going to give him up for adoption doesn’t mean you can drop the ball now. [looks at Desmond] She DID tell you she was going to give him up for adoption, didn’t she? Was totally going to give him up. I remind her of this every day so that she will feel guilty and be a better mother.

DESMOND: I made a mistake.

CHARLIE: What kind of mistake?

DESMOND: I never should have stopped… you know what? Forget it. I can make up for it tomorrow.

CLAIRE stands up and walks away with CHARLIE.

CHARLIE: I don’t like you hanging around that guy. He’s… strange. “He all everybody!”

CLAIRE: Oh god, please don’t sing the song.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hysterical. You go gurrl!

The Chapatikid said...

Oh MY GOD. I have tears in my eyes.

Brian Douglas said...

Wait, I'm confused. So you were fighting with Claire over tha pants? Or was that the other Nikki.

Which one of you is with Paulo again?

Roland said...

That's hilarious Nikki, Damon and Carlton seriously need to hire you as a writer to spice things up!

Colleen/redeem147 said...

It all makes sense now!

But how do you post from the island? Does one of the Others have a laptop?

Nikki Stafford said...

Brian and Colleen: Oh no, Island Nikki and Me Nikki are two very different people. But sadly, we both have ties to Paulo. There will be another deleted scene coming up that will explain all. (I've actually got a bunch of these written up and never get around to posting them!)

Chapatikid and Roland: Thank you! I have plenty more where these come from (I need something to do on weekends!) ;)

Danielle said...

Is there any way you can convince them to let you write deleted scenes for the DVD? The perfectly coiffed hair ranks right up there with the giant island baby...

Jeremy said...

So we're doing comedy now? Aren't you busy enough? And I almost get the idea you don't like Charlie, but that couldn't be - I know you have a soft spot for musicians. ;)

The Question Mark said...

HAHAHAHA
Amazing!