Tuesday, February 23, 2010

"The Substitute" Haiku: Cave Ceiling Edition!

I apologize for not getting last week's haiku up, but here's something to allow you to waste your time today waiting for tonight's episode, "Lighthouse." (And I'm calling it the cave ceiling edition, but you can post haikus on any aspect of "The Substitute.")

One quick note: Please don't post any haikus on tonight's episode on this post; when I posted the haiku for "LA X" people started posting on "What Kate Does" while they were watching the ep, and spoiled a few things for people who hadn't watched it yet. So let's just stick to The Substitute this time just for the sake of people in other time zones. I can't wait to see what you guys come up with! The haiku portion of this blog is always one of my faves. :)

AU is Locke’s hell
Because in this world he’s a
Substitute teacher.

Ceiling: Look closely
Nikki and Paulo crossed out

Twenty-three: Shephard.
Does it mean Christian or Jack?
“Not the only one.”

Four: Locke. Forty-two:
Kwon. Sixteen: Jarrah. Fifteen:
Sawyer. Eight: Reyes.
(I know it said “Ford” but I needed the extra syllable!)


Edgar The Bug said...

did both use the cave?
Jacob wrote all of the names,
And Flocke crossed them out,

Loretta said...

Austen is left out
Maybe Skaters and Jaters
can give it a rest

(I don't actually have anything against shippers, this was just the first thing that came to me!)

Loretta said...

Benjamin Linus:
not homicidal, now just
passive aggressive

Mark R.Y. said...

Many LOST viewers
wish they could spy like Smokie
Sawyer in the nude

Joan Crawford said...

A haiku for Ashlie

Ashlie's husband was
correct; John Locke's tiles were
applied by a drunk

Joan Crawford said...

Had a vivid dream.
Jack as my husband. No joke.
It's my turn to cry.


Fred said...

In imitation of Basho's famous frog poem:

Come here, the old cave
Two men enter, a stone thrown
Into the sea. Plop.

The first real answer
Is a deeper mystery.
Wait again; next week.

Sagacious Penguin said...

Candidate Goodspeed:
Crossed off because dynamite
Does not mix with trees.

Jacob's favored three:
Mattingly, Cunningham, Jones.
No one told Widmore.

Troup was a prize pick,
But only because Jacob
Had not read Bad Twin.

Candidate Linus:
Distinct proof that Jacob had
A sense of humor.

Karolyn said...

See the poster there
on the wall behind Locke's head?
it looks like Desmond

Karolyn said...

"A shotgun wedding
we can invite your father"
That sounds like...wait...WHAT??

Karolyn said...

Blond boy in the sun,
blood covering both his hands.
who the Flocke is he?

Karolyn said...

Locke pops a wheelie,
to get his chair off the lift,
and lands on his face.

Unknown said...

In an island cave
many names written in chalk
but, what about Kate?

A white stone is thrown
out into the blue ocean.
Its an inside joke.

Batcabbage said...

Because I am a huge nerd (see Joan's 'Barf Babies' post for definitive proof), I have done haikus for 'What Kate Does' and 'The Substitute'. Like, the day after the episodes... I'm a nerd.

What Kate Does

Hey, I’m walking here!
Don’t run me over , strangely
Terrified Cab Man!

Held me at gunpoint,
Abandoned on the roadside.
…Wanna be my friend?

What is in the pill?
Herbs, roots, all natural things.
…and COUGH! poison COUGH!

That pill’s for Sayid.
Don’t make me use the Heim- WHACK!
What did I just say?!

I’m outta here, Kate!
Don’t you … She’s following me,
Isn’t she? Dammit!

What’s the plan, Sawyer?
I’m in! Wait, where are you…? I’m
Coming anyway!!!

Hey, you! Mechanic!
Use your tools to take off my…
Were you in Buffy?

Hurley’s our leader
Now that he sees dead folks and…
Hey, wait a minute!

The Substitute

In this, or any
Universe, Randy Nations
Is a total dick.

The Conference? Yeah,
It was great. Walkabout? No,
Don’t know what you mean…

Sawyer, want answers?
Fine. But there’s one rule: Clean pants.
Right the hell now, please.

Sawyer, he’ll kill us!
Let’s get out of here, before
He’s back… Oh no! Run!

Yes, I’m scared, Sawyer.
But look! I still have lustrous,
Long, black eye lashes!

Jacob had a thing
For numbers. There’s more to it,
But I ain’t sayin’.

Hey, little blond kid!
Why do you appear out of
Nowhere? That’s my thing!

Batcabbage said...

@Joan: It's my turn to cry. AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Brilliant!

VW: eater - meh.

JennM said...

Oh no! Locke fell down.
the sprinklers soaked him, but he
remains optimistic.

Will we see Charlie
tonight, or ever again?
A girl can hope, right?

Oh. That strange white rock?
It's an inside joke, my friend.
You are not inside:)

Fred said...

Echoed in a shout,
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”
Locke pleads through Smokie.

Life is a balance,
A game of smoke and ladders,
And sometimes numbers.

Where did Ford find a
turntable in Dharmaville?
Burke played a CD.

The numbers count down,
Like time coming to an end.
What's left, 3, 2, 1.

Mark R.Y. said...

Locke fired from job
Both he and Hurley agree
Randy is a douche

Mark R.Y. said...

Crazy way down cliff
Sawyer freefalls in the air
Weak Jacob's ladder

Trace said...

revised slightly from my premature haiku on the 6.04 thread:

Well, CLEARLY, sweetheart,
"box of knives" means "walkabout".
Why, what did you think?

Unknown said...

@Batcabbage: Ahahahaha... I love them!

@Jenn: I love that last line "You are not inside"

#Mary R.Y: Nice.

And I never had a chance to apologize to everyone for the last time we did haikus... I still feel ashamed and want to buy everyone a bin of icecream of their choice, but by the time I mailed it out it would all be melted, and I would be broke :(

Nikki Stafford said...

LOLZ!!! I'm only catching up on these now and you guys KILL me. These are brilliant.

Batcabbage: Your Heimlich one made me laugh particularly hard. (I think I pulled something.) I think I need to do some interim posts just on those eps in case others had been working on them!

Joshua said...

I've been super lazy, avoiding these... and I so love haiku!

Remedy, part one:

Iggy, whiskey drunk
someone should search and destroy
Saywer's funky trunks

bloody-handed blonde
kid he sees betwixt the trees
vested interest in

Helen, Hugo, Rose
great to find them all in kind
Randy? Locke and load

for mythos spelunk
numbers, names wallpaper this
castaway Lascaux