Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Lost Haiku: Dr. Linus

Hello my lovelies. Well, I'm officially back. No more running around to other countries, doing chats from afar, posting late, leaving you guys to yourselves, not responding to comments. I'm here, and here to stay until the end of the season. I can't wait to jump right back into Lost with you tonight for "Recon."

When I was in the UK, I met up with a friend of mine who got talking about my blog and how fascinated he was about it. He said he thought all of you were like my followers, not just online, but like disciples (well, he likened it to "Hitler's Germany in 1934," to be exact) and that whatever I said, you guys agreed with. If someone disagreed, you all tore them apart like a pack of wild dogs. I disagreed with him and said there's a difference between blind following and community, and the group I have here is a community, one that's nice to each other and (he doesn't watch Lost) if he'd actually read any of the Lost posts, he'd see that people disagree with me all the time, but they do so in a kind manner, and often convince me to change my own mind about something. He's an academic and is considering some sort of research paper on this blog. Hm. That might not be good. If he says anything bad about us, I'll set all of you on him like a pack of dogs.


Until then, I went onto YouTube and tried to find an angry Hitler rant of him disagreeing with a commenter on his blog, but sadly couldn't find one. If anyone knows of one, let me know and I'll send it on to him. ;)

Anyway, for my Canadian readers, a heads up that I'm going to be appearing as a guest commentator on Innerspace (Space Network) next week! I'll be chatting up next week's episode and mentioning this week's, and they'll also have me answering viewer mail. So tune in... I'll make another note next week about it. If for no other reason than to see how tarted up they make me this time. ;)

And now, without further ado, on to haiku about "Dr. Linus"!

I went to college.
So do not call me “Mister.”
It’s DOCTOR Linus.

I was wondering...
When Ben changed his father’s tank,
Was it nitrogen??

Richard: “I must go
To the Black Rock and die now.”
Me: “NOOOO!! No no no!!”

Superhero Jack!!
Will the tough-guy persona
Wash away the Jears?


Austin Gorton said...

He is the only
one who will have me, sobs Ben.
A villain redeemed?

Who needs Ben's money
when They Who Shall Not Be Named
lie waiting for Miles?

Muppet Richard wants
to die, but crazy cool Jack
says "not without Jears!"

Hurley wants cheese curds
but the Island only has
cotton candy left.

Austin Gorton said...

Oh, and here's one inspired by the conversation you had with your friend.

"Hooray! Nikki's back!"
cry her joyous followers.
"Now, who needs slaying?"

Anonymous said...

We are not puppets!
Tell that guy he's mistaken.
Wait, my string's tangled...

Nikki Stafford said...

HAHAHA!! Oh my god, you guys are so hilarious. I'm so sending those over to him.

Attention minions...
From now on you shall call me
Mein Fuhrer Nikki.

Fred said...

A little thing on Jack:

He no longer has those fears,
Although he still has the Jears,
He's remarkable to a T
Especially with TNT,
A Jacobian candidate among his peers.

Joshua said...

Hi, everybody -- sorry about going missing last week. Stupid work crap... and for my favorite ep of the season, too! Well, on with the poetics:

convert saves the priest
role reversal at gunpoint
light the fuse and chat

so my rule still stands:
all it takes is dynamite
to make Jack badass

Hurley's poutine dream
wait -- is he Canadian?
'Reyes' isn't French...

what to call Ben's tears?
Beers? Bears? But all the bears here
are polar, and dead

humanebean said...

Mein Fuhrer Nikki:
sounds like your friend is jealous.
shall we hunt him down?

; ]

humanebean said...

You are mistaken
O British Friend of Nikki
Wild? Housebroken.

Anonymous said...

Some haiku from Matthew - Nikki's London friend and, seemingly, enemy of the blog!

In the lion's den, I come
Lost and terrified of Nik-
ki's loyal army

Thanks, my Fuhrerlien:
a ready-made rabble of
angry strangers: help.

Nikki is scared that
she will be crucified at
Slayage. Come help her!

So much for the claim
that what's said in London stays
in London. Blimey!

She forgot to say
that I believe her books to
be magnificent.

Unknown said...

It is interesting that you friend thinks the followers of this blog are like rabid dogs (I now picture all of you frothing at the mouth). I often use this blog as an example of a true community in blogging. I find, as a frequent reader/rare poster, that you are all a very welcoming bunch.
No haikus yet... I need more coffee.

Hannah said...

Mein Fuhrer Nikki,
I praise thee respectively
to the end of time.

Nikki Stafford said...

LOL!! This is so much more fun than haikus about Lost!! And big kudos to Matthew for having the guts to wander in here and offer up his rebuttal. Well done!

Humanebean, oh yes.
He is SO jealous of me.
It's always been clear.

I can't fault the guy.
After all, in his land they
Put prawns between bread.

Oh come on, Matthew,
Get a proper login name!
Don't be Anonymous.

I should not be harsh.
His book on Buffy was ace.
Maybe *I'm* jealous??

You guys aren't minions.
I love you all as equals.

humanebean said...

Verily Matthew
You see that we are not dogs
nor mere sycophants

We trust and admire
the thoughtful voice of Nikki
whose prose led us here

If we disagree
with her or one another
we post, free of fear

that our words will be
taken out of context
or mocked for mere sport

We welcome you to
join us in this safe harbor
for our opinions

We ask only this:
if and when you disagree,
say so with respect

Pardon us, though, if
we are suspicious at first:
you do not watch LOST?

Oh, the humanity!
But faith in our fellow man
gives us hope for you.

You may yet come 'round,
and find a source for study
in LOST ... and not US!

To be fair to you,
we, too, are fascinated
by this show's great fans

Perhaps your distance
will show us something we miss.
Teach on, our new friend!

Fred said...

To annonymous in response to your haiku (please join in more):

Neither Daniel, nor
We a zombie army; but
Come in little fly.

Thanks, my Fuhrerlein?
Nikki is Zen Dogen of
Baseball, Smokie, Lost.

No need, Nikki will
Knock them down in Buffy style
Finish with a stake.

In London, Blimey,
Don't you know, on the island
Nothing stays buried.

With that we agree,
And Jacob agrees, though he's
Asked, "What about me?"

humanebean said...

Kudos, too, Matthew
fan of Orwell AND Bowie.
Now, to read your work!

Joan Crawford said...

Your friend seems crazy!
Should I be mad? I await
further instructions.

(or is it Fuhrer instructions?)

Alex to Ben:

They were doing it
and they're like, old. Isn't that
gross? ...Um, totally?

Joan Crawford said...

A Beddy-Time Haiku

Listen to Clarie sing
Catch a Falling Star, dream of
decayed skull bay-bees.

JennM said...

Who's digging over
there? Is it Miles on the
island with diamonds?

Last week, I made fun
of Jack's jears; this week he seems
to have grown a pair.

JennM said...

@ Teebore:
Not without Jears!


Batcabbage said...

Disagree with Nik?
All the time! There was… er… um…
What was the question?

A pack of wild dogs?
We’re more like a pack of wild

Thirties Germany?
A bit harsh. None of us want
To invade Poland.

Batcabbage said...

The principal is
A douche, but Ben didn’t punch
Him like John McClane.

“Alex, you’re being.
Over dramatic.” Really?
On LOST? No! Get out!!!

“You spoke to Jacob?”
“Yeah, he’s dead, but we chat.” “Tell
Him he’s a dick, then.”

In Alt-verse, Ben may
Be a better person, but
His best friend is Arzt.

I want a better
Parking spot! And a skateboard.
And a fresh baked pie.

VW: fantick - involuntary facial movements experienced while waiting on line to meet Lando Calrissian.

Batcabbage said...

So murderers and
Immortals don't get hugs in
Slow-mo music shots.

JS said...

I'm no cyborg, but
Like ah-nold, since jacob's "gift"
Cant self terminate

JS said...

QUESTION: Due to travel issues, I won't get home until 30 min into that show we all like. Anyone cough*batcabbage*cough know where I can watch immediately afterwards online? Can anyone help a girl out?

Batcabbage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca T. said...

"He was standing by
bodies with a bloody knife
So I'm pretty sure."

What's left of Jacob
is in this bag, so can you
tell me how he died?

Lapidus slept in
Missed the first destiny flight
Got him anyway

Let's light dynamite
It won't go boom - I saw my
home in a lighthouse.

VW: andle - the thing you 'ave on a pail

Joan Crawford said...

When Jack asked Richard
"Want to try another stick?"
Richard missed the hint.

Rainier said...

Nope, not nitrogen -
but there's some acetylene
stashed under the sink.

Alex goes to Yale
a happier end for her
than on the island!

I want to trust Ben
'cause he seems like a nice man
but he lies so well...

Now, then...will the real
reality please stand up?
where can truth be found

on this strange island
that we know and love so well
except when we don't

the real is unreal
black is white and North is South
who knows what will come?

the writers play games
to bend our minds to cheese curds
as answers elude

Duke said...

@ Joan; "Want to try another stick?"