Tuesday, February 09, 2010

"LA X" Haiku Time!!

It's time to jumpstart that tradition from last year: Haiku that followed each episode! I'll start things, but I always find the ones you guys come up with to be far more entertaining. :)

He just looks SO sad
Isn't there a universe
Where Jack is happy?

Rose comforting Jack;
Desmond there; Shannon is not;
What is going ON?!

Richard was in chains?
Metaphorical or real?
WITHOUT MAYBELLINE?!

Thought the guitar case
Would contain something wondrous?
I think we've been ankhed.

I've seen John Locke brave,
Enlightened, and sad. But now?
He's effing SCARY.

Smokey's in a rage
Kills everyone, even Bram
While Ben pees his pants.

123 comments:

Casey said...

I do not tell lies.
Am I lying about that?
I am Ben Linus.

Trace said...

Fair enough, Dogen.
But English on Freckles' tongue
tastes like strawberries.

Trace said...

Dharma shark returns.
Gonna need a bigger boat.
(tuba, cellos play)

Trace said...

New reality?
New chance to see Frogurt hit
with flaming arrows.

Blam said...

@Trace: All great, the first absolutely brilliant!

Blam said...

Nikki and Paulo
God help us, somewhere out there:
Nikki and Paulo

Blam said...

Oops! I just realized that only works if you say "Paulo" with a lazy diphthong ("Pow-lo") and not -- assuming Portuguese is as syllabic as Spanish -- properly ("Pa-oo-lo).

humanebean said...

I can hear it now
The Skaters and Jaters are
revving their engines

Teebore said...

Sayid is dying!
No! He's alive! But where is
his torcha scrunchie?

Trace said...

@Blam, your poem gives me chills. God help us all indeed. And Nikki said "Pow-lo", so I'd say that pronunciation is canon. But just to be sure, let's ask Paolo himself:

"Pa-OO-lo," he cries.
Too bad nobody hears him
through six feet of sand.

Edgar The Bug said...

"Did bomb work or not?"
the producers sit and say,
"why not just do both."

Blam said...

Hark! Sayid's last words:
glub glub glub glub glub glub glub
(deep breath) "What happened?"

humanebean said...

Here at The Temple,
We have a jacuzzi
Use at your own risk

humanebean said...

I just had a flash
but I thought sideways was the
movie about wine?

Blam said...

"You look familiar."
"Sorry, dude, wrong universe."
"Oh." "Honest mistake."

humanebean said...

Now I get to see
so many friends from Deadwood
on another show

nanabanana said...

Good Locke evil Locke
Brain is hurting like always
Help me understand

humanebean said...

I think I get it
alternate reality
is like real life, squared

Verification word: "baskate" the kind of case you are if you think getting hung up on a fickle fugitive is a good idea

Blam said...

Nifty! Two timelines!
We can lit'rally have our
cake and eat it too!

humanebean said...

Jin is such a jerk,
are you really that surprised
Sun Paik stayed single?

Blam said...

Haiku for Juliet:
She's going going
going out for coffee dutch
going going gone.

Fred said...

Ah, Richard, Ben lied,
The Shadow Seekers were fried,
"It worked." Not this side.

With Nemo it lies
Beneath the sea, shark included.
Only for our eyes.

humanebean said...

Blam, you're killing me, here! You rock.

I felt bad for Ben,
I did for a while, but now
he needs a beating

Blam said...

...
So the bomb went off
but we're all still here and in
Two Thousand Seven?
...
Apparently the
energy ripped a hole in
reality's walls.
...
I'd love for Daniel
to explain but here he's dead
and there, never born.

Blam said...

I dunno, HB; nothing beats that jacuzzi line.

Blam said...

I bet these comments
hit 108 before Lost
even airs tonight.

humanebean said...

Please don't tell me that
we're going to learn that Richard's
into S&M

Blam said...

"You're the monster?" "Let's
not resort to name-calling,
you bug-eyed liar."

humanebean said...

One hundred and eight,
I'm sure that our haikus will
add up to that soon

Blam said...

Oh no! Jacob's dead!
We're now at Smokey's mercy!
Time for fireworks!

humanebean said...

I think Blam and I
are just a little obsessed
with haikus today

I think I need a break
otherwise nine o'clock will
find me still typing

Blam, do you suppose
that tonight's episode will
surpass the premiere?

Blam said...

I can guarantee
that it will be surpassed by
at least seven days.

Blam said...

Last one for now, possibly influenced somehow by Evil Blam:
...
Oh, Silly Marshal.
Even ladies make some noise
when they go tinkle.
...
You know you were all thinking it.

humanebean said...

I bet that Smokey
celebrates the Mardi Gras
and not Ash Wednesday

Joan Crawford said...

Pa-OO-lo," he cries.
Too bad nobody hears him
through six feet of sand.


Hahaha! This really tickles me for reasons I can't quite put into words! And I will forever pronounce his name
"Pa-OO-lo" in a desperate voice.


Sayid is dying!
No! He's alive! But where is
his torcha scrunchie?

:D

Oh, Silly Marshal.
Even ladies make some noise
when they go tinkle.


Haha! You know, I saw a thing on Oprah once about how freaked out women were about peeing in public restrooms. These women (quite a few admitted to it) said they won't pee until everyone leaves or they'll pee on piles of toilet paper to muffle the pee sounds. Whereas men will happily crap away in public. Guys should be thankful for that freedom. Poop freedom.

Duke said...

@HumanBean

Here at The Temple,
We have a jacuzzi
Use at your own risk


Hahahhahahhahahahhaha! Love it!!

Blam said...

The Island is now
underwater. How far? Far...
Yet only one foot!
...
Now I'm done. Really. 'Til later.

Stacy said...

No haiku yet, but yes Joan, I'm one of those. In college, I would line the inside of bowl with tp to hide all sounds. BY the way- i love your blog- very funny.

Stacy said...

The temple dwellers
look very much like pirates
said my 5 year old

Nikki Stafford said...

Blam and humanebean
Will get these comments up to
108 for sure!

Nikki Stafford said...

@humanebean:

Please DO tell me that
we're going to learn that Richard's
into S&M

nanabanana said...

Strange graveside service.
Sawyer buries Juliet.
Miles offers, "It worked."

Verification word: mastrat - Rodent on a sailboat

Karolyn said...

Desmond is married
as to whom we are not sure
my guess is Nikki

Karolyn said...

It is fun to write
Haikus about the best show
that is on t.v.

Karolyn said...

I'm not really sure
how the writers will answer
everything in time.



okay, I think I'm done...

humanebean said...

First was the fan fic
then came the revelation
Nik is scaring me

humanebean said...

I have to rethink
Juliet wrapped in chains was
tragic and kinky

; ]

Karolyn said...

One more...

Sawyer broke my heart,
when he cried for Juliet.
Can I take her place?

TiaSabita said...

Rose and Bernard make kissyface.
Pigheaded Jin tells Sun to button up.
She shows too much clavicle.

Tom said...

Evil Locke is mad
In all, he's disappointed
Tell me what that means????

Batcabbage said...

Desmond's on the plane.
Wait, who's pressing the button?
Hang on, what button?

What's that old saying?
Water, water everywhere,
Island in the drink!

Rose is calm in flight.
Jack's the one who is frightened.
A role reversal.

Dharma Losties live.
Seems that maybe Jughead was
Past his used by date.

Who rules the Temple?
Bow down before the might of
Ghengis Otherton!

JS said...

Ricardus in chains
All sweaty, hot and bothered
Does guyliner run?

JS said...

The love quadrangle
Is no more since Juliet
Plans on coffee, dutch

JS said...

Is it possible
that jears will not be shed in
every episode?

JS said...

When will Evil Locke
have cross time line battle with
Adorable Locke

JS said...

Let's just not resort
To name calling while Smokey
is away from home

JS said...

Sayid can't succumb!
He's got a class to teach in
Bad Ass MF-ry!!

(spell it out, not in front of the kids)

Jenn said...

@JS

Ricardus in chains
All sweaty, hot and bothered
Does guyliner run?

Amazing!

Hmmm...

Sayid was left to
bleed and maybe die, instead
he took a gross bath

guess Smokey doesn't
like his new little nickname
no name-calling, please

Charlie, you are alive
choking on your heroin
can I get a pen, here?

Oh torcha scrunchie
us ladies will miss you so
Oh torcha scrunchie

Tom said...

Hurley has a gun.
And he knows how to use it.
Ooh I'm really scared.

Karolyn said...

There once was a plane
with misfits galore on board
what really happened?

Ali Bags said...

Hey Richard , you get
the chains and I'll slip into
something less comf'table.

Karolyn said...

I know there will be
a convergence of timelines
somewhere in the past?




Verification word - holyp - what happens when the pope uses the restroom

Ali Bags said...

Next time I get off
a plane I want a dreamy
theme to be playing

and everyone to
disembark in slow motion
looking all wistful.

Joan Crawford said...

@Stacy - Thanks :)

@Jenn - Oh torcha scrunchie
us ladies will miss you so
Oh torcha scrunchie


Haha, I loves it! Is it really the end of the Torcha Scrunchie ;_;


@Alibags - Brilliant! I love how "expressive" we girls are here ;)


VW: Narawee - How the priest from the Princess Bride says 'narrowly'.

JS said...

Hey Ilana, what's
up with your lame ass guards?
Now Jacob is dead!

Ilana's guy, named Bram
Got killed with a wooden stake
Nice ref Darlton

Joan Crawford said...

So palatable
Sayid, Sawyer, Richard, Ben(?)
Oh, just form a line




VW: Breddit

How my Daddy told me we done got the stupid out of our family - breddit out.

Joan Crawford said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joan Crawford said...

So sorry, Jack Shephard,
this line is for men only.
Here, have this tissue.



VW: Allmollmi

What my Ma called the $36 a month she got from my Daddy.
"Batard better not be late with my almollmi!"

Jenn said...

@Joan

Part two of your haiku made me laugh so hard!

As for the end of the torcha scrunchie, I guess we'll have to see if Sayid remains the torturer that we all know and love:)

Batcabbage said...

Smokey hates Richard.
Look out, he’s gonna hit him!
Hit him back, Rich- … Aw.

So Jacob is dead.
Hurley sees him, but Jin can’t.
So why disappear?

Sayid’s almost dead?
We’ll bring him back with drowning!
That should – no, wait. What?

Hurley sees dead folks.
So does that mean back then Dave
Was just some dead guy?*

*Not really a LA X one, but I’ve been thinking about that for the past week.

JS said...

@Joan: Here, have this tissue

hahahahahaha.

@Jenn: oh torcha scrunchie

a tear came to my eye....

AchingHope said...

@teebore: Nice. Joan Crawford will appreciate that one ;)

@trace: Ahahahaha... "Pa-oo-lo"

And everyone else, Brilliant! (I would name you all by name, but I'm just waaaay to lame and lazy.)

Mark R.Y. said...

Sad when Claire disappeared
But happy once again
Emilie de Ravin back in main cast.

Can someone tell me what the heck a "torcha scrunchie" means? :)

SonshineMusic said...

I LOVE Lost haikus!

Here's a couple (man I have a lot to go back and read)

This one is in honor of my sister:

Bram, Bram, muffin man
We barely knew thee, strange sir
Your name made us laugh

And this one's in Nikki's honor:

Desmond's on the plane?
And now married to Nikki?
I can't believe it!

And here's a couple more for fun:


Charlie in the loo
The drug addict's back again
"Should have let me die"

Jack on a plane
Need to fix things hasn't changed
Jears firmly intact

Sawyer's heartbroken
Juliet dies once again
Pain fills his blue eyes

Foot underwater
With really bad CGI
It's NOT Atlantis

Hurley's guitar case
Holds a giant wooden ankh
Which holds Jacob's list

Joan Crawford said...

@Mark - "Torcha Scrunchie" is what we call Sayid's hair tie that he wears when he goes to work. I am pretty sure Ack made it up :)

SonshineMusic said...

@Trace: Frogurt! hahahaha

@Blam: N&P! hahahaha

You are all brilliant! Curses upon work for making me wait so long to come post!

Mark R.Y. said...

@Joan C. Thank you. lol. That's what I thought, ahhhh...torcha short for torture. Got it, got it! :D

SonshineMusic said...

Back of Dharma vans
Hold an awful lot of chains
Bumpers super strong

Mark R.Y. said...

Juliet dead because of Jack
Jack's dad Christian missing
Expect lots of Jackface!

Blam said...

What part of "Don't come
back!" and "Don't follow me!" do
these people not get?

Blam said...

Okay, we didn't get
to 108, but I had
things to do. Sorry!

Blam said...

Ah, Claire. Blond, goth, or
soot-faced in next week's promo
you're palatable.

Blam said...

Sayid's hairstyles:
Torturing, scrunchie. Being
tortured
, Jheri curl.

SonshineMusic said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Joan Crawford said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SonshineMusic said...

@Joan: The sad truth is that I have found Ethan palatable since S1. True. Everyone else is like EVIL DEMON and I am like, you can kidnap me anytime. ;) Wait, did I just admit that out loud?

Joan Crawford said...

@Sonshine - Ahhhhhhh! I have to say, I really respect this Sonshine, and I am more than a little impressed (and creeped out) :D

Blam said...

The sad truth is that I have found Ethan palatable since S1.
Eeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!

AchingHope said...

I have to join my sister on that one ;)

Blam said...

Ethan Rom, Ethan
Rom: He's almost as creepy
as his cousin Tom.

Joan Crawford said...

@Achinghope - The infection is spreading! You girls are awesome. I find this whole thing so goddamn delightful :D

AchingHope said...

@Blam: Best haiku EVER

Verif word: tribler, someone who collects tribbles

SonshineMusic said...

@Blam: bwa ahahahahaha

But wait, Ethan and Tom are not cousins. I refuse

Blam said...

Joan: You, SonshineMusic, AchingHope, and Evil Blam all deserve one another. I'm staying far away.
...
VW: dinwarch — Thuh tahmpiece on muh wrist that tells me when thuh grub's reddy.

Blam said...

@Sonshine: Not that Tom.

AchingHope said...

Ergh... That's even worse.

SonshineMusic said...

oof. He just lost a little palatability. Man, now every time I see his face I'm going to be thinking... not TOm! Are you sure that wasn't EvilBlam posting just now, trying to spoil my moment of openness?!

VW: ressive - the opposite of passive

SonshineMusic said...

We have strayed so far
From Lost haikus on this post
Everyone else left

VW: amodes - with ice cream?

Blam said...

@Sonshine: Every time I see his face, I'm thinking, "Actually, I'm kind-of impressed you didn't try to fix any of that before looking for work in Hollywood." He was pretty good in In the Bedroom, though, and of course is requisitely creeptastic on Lost.
...
VW: cratedam — 1. What keeps the barrels from invading the other half of the store. 2. What you need, along with a cratesire, to make baby crates.

AchingHope said...

Little miss Sonshine,
I'd be commenting haikus,
but I don't know how.

VW: belog, saying 'belong' with a cold

Blam said...

Yeah. Nikki's clearly
too busy with the recap.
She won't be amused.

SonshineMusic said...

@AchingHope: varrry niiice :0)

And I love the fact that we are typing these comments sitting about 3 feet from each other, each on our own computer. Ah the age of technology :0

SonshineMusic said...

Nikki will have a
lot of bizarre things to read
when she comes back here

JS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AchingHope said...

NOT three feet away
From anyone but you, sis
Who else would be near?

Some smoke monster, eh?
Bloggers from across the world?
Or an un-dead Locke?

JS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blam said...

Are you sure that wasn't EvilBlam posting just now, trying to spoil my moment of openness?!
Nope, it's just me, Common-Sense Blam, who finds Ethan only a few notches of skeevy below any character played by Jake Busey.

Joan Crawford said...

Actually, I'm kind-of impressed you didn't try to fix any of that

LOL

Joan Crawford said...

I've heard that if you say "Evil Blam" thrice, he appears. How many times has it been?

And Blam - I am sure you have had crushes on unique people. I myself had my first crush on cartoon Batman. And it feels good to say it:D

SonshineMusic said...

Wait! Are we turning this into a tell all? hmmmm.... I think I have my next blog post - "SonshineMusic's Top Palatables" haha :D

SonshineMusic said...

I love the fact that "palatable" has now become a working part of our vocabulary used both on and off the screen. Ummm... you guys use that word in regular conversation, right? RIGHT?!

VW: jebowl - the big French sports occasion

Evil Blam said...

You think that I sit around all day waiting to be summoned, eh, Joan Crawfish? Perchance Evil Blam has better things to do than play Am I Palatable or Not will the silly picture-box characters. However, I have heard inklings that this other Blam of whom you are so fond once harbored twitterpation for the myopic Miss Velma who kept company with that cannabis-addicted Great Dane of Saturday-morning "ghostbusting".
...
Verification word: Jinkies!

Joan Crawford said...

AAAAahahahaahah! "...Am I Palatable or Not will the silly picture-box characters"

Evil Blam said...

"will the silly picture-box characters"
Hurrm. That should have been "with", eh. I am currently replaying the day's Access Hollywood and was distracted by the Greek-American enchantress Maria Menounos' staccato laugh. Is it nasal? Is it glottal? Nay, it is both, and therein lies its aphrodisiac quality!

Blam said...

I am sure you have had crushes on unique people. I myself had my first crush on cartoon Batman.
Did I enjoy Yvonne Craig's shiny, skintight Batgirl outfit while not quite old enough to understand why? Sure. Did I take one look at Middle-of-the-Night Supermarket Psyche-Not-Claire and think, "You can find me wandering in the produce section anytime"? Uh, no.
...
VW: blych — The appropriate reaction for the turn this comment section has taken.

Joan Crawford said...

Did I enjoy Yvonne Craig's shiny, skintight Batgirl outfit while not quite old enough to understand why? Sure.

I felt the same way about David Bowie's tights in Labyrinth!

Joan Crawford said...

I am currently replaying the day's Access Hollywood and was distracted by the Greek-American enchantress Maria Menounos' staccato laugh. Is it nasal? Is it glottal? Nay, it is both, and therein lies its aphrodisiac quality!

This is why we summon Evil Blam!

VW: mcness

What they will call the burgers they make out of the Loch Ness Monster once they find him. And we, by God, we will!

Ali Bags said...

@Sonshine Music and Joan Crawford

I am so sad that a few days ago I actually checked on the noun version of 'palatable' and you'll be glad to know that both 'palatableness' and 'palatability' are correct, although somewhat of a mouthful.

Ali Bags said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nikki Stafford said...

Hey all: I'm so sorry for the deleted posts, but there was a rightful complaint on the post for "What Kate Does" saying this post had haikus to do with episode 3, when he hadn't yet seen it. I'll be opening up the haiku mania every week right before the new episodes, so if we could always keep to last week's show and save the haikus for the current show to the following week, that would be aces.

I deleted haikus from Ali Bags, Sonshine, and JS, but I'll save those in a separate document and repost them on next week's post so they don't get lost. Any other deleted comment was just a reference to "What Kate Does." Sorry, guys!! I'll be more explicit in the instructions next week. :)

Nikki Stafford said...

Batty: I've removed the offending haikus (but I'll repost them next week) and let me know if there were any other posts where you saw spoilers. Again, I'm sorry!!

SonshineMusic said...

Gotcha Nikki :) Like I told BatCabbage, we kind of got... carried away (as you could probably tell) but will keep to current and not new stuff in the future.

:)

VW: cooffe - what you say when you really need a cup-a-joe

Ali Bags said...

Sorry Miss Stafford. Won't do it again.