Nik at Nite: Wait... Is it Even POSSIBLE Lost Fans Could Be More Annoying?!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Wait... Is it Even POSSIBLE Lost Fans Could Be More Annoying?!

Thank you to the dozens of people who sent this to me last night. ;) This had me howling.

Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

25 comments:

Duke said...: It's funny because it's true!!; 19 January 2010 at 09:49
Megan said...: I love how Darlton have a sense of humour about the whole thing.; 19 January 2010 at 09:59
Anonymous said...: Love The Onion...they're always right on the money. It seems that Darlton actually did this "interview" just for the Onion? What do you think Nikki? It's hilarious!; 19 January 2010 at 10:59
Barry said...: (I actually posted the 'Anonymous' "Love The Onion" comment...couldn't remember my password. Thanks.); 19 January 2010 at 11:19
ninja raiden said...: Gotta love the Wire dig!; 19 January 2010 at 13:07
Nikki Stafford said...: ninja: LOL! You saw that, too! That made me laugh even louder than I already was.

Barry: I think Darlton probably jumped at the chance to do an Onion piece. The Onion is such a beloved institution, and they are so in tune with the geek world (since many of them happily reside in it). I remember a few years ago when Buffy was in its 2nd or 3rd season and Joss Whedon gave this HUGE interview to the Onion AV Club. It's still one of the most quoted interviews he's ever done.; 19 January 2010 at 13:46
JS said...: Um...have they been talking to my family?

Am I a total loser because I wish there actually was a plot poster in the Season 5 DVD package?

:); 19 January 2010 at 13:56
Nikki Stafford said...: JS: LOL! Actually, I think I trump your loserdom because when they first showed it I fell for it, yelling, "WHAT?! That wasn't in MY copy of the DVD!!! Where can I get... oh... wait... I think it's a joke."

This just ups the ante to make us an even bigger group of people that everyone will want to avoid.; 19 January 2010 at 14:08
Ashlie Hawkins said...: I love the part about how fan's spouses will think they're living with a paranoid schizophrenic! My poor husband, he's already making plans for Tuesday nights so he can stay out of my way!

Ha ha - first time I've done one of these, but my word verification is "rearlids" which are obviously the lids on the eyes on the back of my head!; 19 January 2010 at 15:42
Fred said...: Oh, Onion and Darlton, you left out the most important information--how annoying can we be as LOST fans? In the interest of clarification, which Darlton never gave, here is a scale of annoyingness for fans.

Level 1: Charlie-Claire annoying: To acheive this easy and first level, hang around your friends and family even when they tell you to go away. Start every conversation with how one of the Losties might have done something appropriate to the situation you find yourself in; eg. if you are making tea, mimic Charlie's conversation to Claire about tea. At this level, you can also sing in a falsetto the first lines of "You, All, Everybody."

Level 2: Eko-religious annoying: To acheive this level break off conversations, saying you have to go do something because you were told to in a dream. You may find many Others are relieved to hear you say this, but to acquire your level of annoyingness emphasise your remarks with a Jesus-stick. It helps if you carve Biblical verses (as well as LOST theories) into the stick while talking with friends. To completely embody this level, stop shaving and remain silent, and glare, always glare.

Level 3: Locke-obsessive annoying: Congratulations if you have acheived this level and still have a few friends and family members talking to you. The mantra of this level is "Don't tell me what I can't do," and "The island told me." Try to work these mantras into casual conversation, especially when elucidating on LOST theories; eg. What is the smoke monster? I don't know, but the island will tell me. If you can, take your Jesus-stick from level 2 and use it to smash computers. If anyone asks why you did this, remark, quite casually, that the numbers appeared on the screen and you were saving everyone.

Level 4: Kate-moral correctness annoying: At this level you will be able to calm down from a great deal of physical exertion expressed in level 3. This is the way of Dharma, a point you should express as you try to induct anyone who talks to you into the Initiative. There is a very simple rule to this level, find people's weak spots and exploit them as a moral weakness, even if you are wrong about everything. It would help if you cart around a small child with blonde hair who is not your child.

Level 5: Jack Shephard-annoying: This is the most difficult level as it requires constant confusion on your part to emphasise your lack of faith and sudden inspiration of faith after a long dark period. Badger your fellow co-workers with crudely drawn maps of the Pacific indicating where the island might be today. Try applying a false beard on days where you are in a dark mood, and go on and on about how Jack's father is dead and isn't dead. At this lvel, shaking the head and staring dumbfounded at the ground or fellow office employee works miracles for the effect.

As with all the levels, express your LOST theories, but try to keep to the level you are at. There is nothing more annoying than switching randomly between levels. If you cannot master any of these levels, talk confusedly like Daniel Faraday when expressing your theories. This is only a Plan B, and most people will think you are harmless.; 19 January 2010 at 17:30
Robert said...: Gotta say...Lost fans have had this coming for a long, long time.; 19 January 2010 at 18:22
Batcabbage said...: Loved it. Loved the presenter going 'Wait, what?' after the girl said about the parallel dimensions. And you know the best thing? LOST IS ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY! NARF!

Verification word: Bling - Aw, come on, man!; 19 January 2010 at 18:50
asiancolossus said...: Annoying? Irritating? Frustrating? Us? NEVERRRRRR LOL

We are just the most loveable geeks who have no lives outside of Lost...there's nothing wrong with that is there? ;); 19 January 2010 at 20:28
JS said...: @Fred - I'm a Level 3. It freaks clients out.

LOL; 19 January 2010 at 22:37
Joan Crawford said...: I get all jittery and weird and desperate when I try to convert others to Lost. I am an incredibly ineffective recruiter:

"Yeah, Dad, listen! There's this guy - Ben - oh, man - is he evil, good, neither?! And Sayid who is this torturer! Torcha Srunchie! *wild laughter*"

"Honey, are these people you work with?"

Verification word: Hidesur!

What my drunken assistant says to me when the cops come to put me in the clink.; 19 January 2010 at 22:52
Wordburglar said...: So awesome.; 19 January 2010 at 23:44
Wordburglar said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 19 January 2010 at 23:44
Rebecca T. said...: Oh my werd! That was hilarious! I'm gonna have to show that to my brother who freaks out and tries to throw away anything I have related to Lost (not really, because he knows I would smother him with a pillow or feed him to the smoke monster if he actually did)

What? Obsessive? No!

Now that I have my first Lost acolyte at work, we talk about it non-stop and our other co-workers just sigh and make comments like, "Enjoy your Dharma" which makes the two of us laugh hysterically and then dive into all of the Dharma mysteries that haven't yet been solved. Good times.

@Fred: I LOVED your levels of Lostdom. I think I fall under Level 3, but slip into Level 4 occasionally.

@Nikki, JS: I was getting all up in arms about the fact that I didn't remember getting the chart and that I couldn't check because my S5 is currently on loan to a friend so they can catch up before 2/2. Then I realized it was probably a joke. Then I wondered if I could make one on my own and began plotting where to hang it.

LOL! Only 2! more weeks and we'll be here talking about the NEW episode! ::chills::; 20 January 2010 at 10:19
Nikki Stafford said...: My husband watched this and burst out laughing when they said the poster would make any spouse think they're living with a paranoid schizophrenic.

Just think... we could all be like Mark on Flashforward! Let's start weaving little friendship bracelets. And... erm... take up drinking?; 20 January 2010 at 10:29
Nikki Stafford said...: Sonshine: I did a radio interview a couple of weeks ago with 3 hosts, one of whom watched Lost and 2 who didn't. At one point I made some inside joke that would make perfect sense to us here on the site, and the one guy laughed, and the woman muttered, "What are they talking about?" and the guy said, "I have no idea." The third one said, "It's Dharma humour. You won't get it." hahahaha; 20 January 2010 at 10:30
Unknown said...: Bwahahahahahaha....

Just...can't...stop...laughing...

@Fred: See Above

@Joan Crawford: See above the above

@Sonshine: I tried smothering him with a pillow already, but the island told me not to, so I started scribbling on my big-ol-stick.; 20 January 2010 at 20:51
Jazzygirl said...: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
The "sad" part? That's exactly what all of us will be doing after each episode!!!! And not just for 4-5 days...I was like DAYS? Try weeks! LOL!; 24 January 2010 at 12:46
Jazzygirl said...: Oh and Nikki, I did the same thing about the wall sized pull-out in the S5 DVD. LOL! But I secretly wish I really had one now! :-p; 24 January 2010 at 12:48
crazyinlost said...: @JS-you mean there's NOT a plot poster? I was totally feeling jipped 'cause mine wasn't there!(I'm totally serious) Boy, am I gullable or what?

word verif-foaphyle-a fettish for your enemy; 27 January 2010 at 04:33
crazyinlost said...: @Fred-Oh there you go again! But I loved it! I'm not sure which catagory I fall into, since it probabally changes on a daily basis.

word verif-hugeles-what LA is!; 27 January 2010 at 05:46